An affinity for "strap on devices," "swallowing instead of spitting" and a preference for anal sex are some of the key elements San Francisco Chronicle columnist Mark Morford uses to identify what makes an "elitist." Loathing the Bible is on the list too.
Morford, whose columns regularly trash conservatives and Christians, weighed in on dumb American kids last October, and trashed evangelicals with the following line: "and if you think the hordes of easily terrified, mindless fundamentalist evangelical Christian lemmings have been bad for the soul of this country, just wait." His September 12 column, ‘Are You an Elitist? 18 Revealing Ways to Know for Sure' makes that attack look like playground fun.
Morford's stock and trade is satire and social commentary. Perhaps he even fancies himself the left's Ann Coulter. According to a Wikipedia entry, his columns often feature "some of the most direct, pointed, and arguably one-sided anti-conservative language found in any major newspaper in the country."
And that makes him perfectly suited for the liberal enclave of San Francisco. But still, since when are obscene references something that passes muster with the editors of one of the largest papers in the country? The Wiki entry notes that Morford's choice of words has gotten him suspended twice from his job. Maybe the editors at the Chronicle find the following just funny, not offensive. Consider the highlights from Morford's list of 18 elitist criteria:
6. The impressive dimensions of the strap-on system in your dresser would make your average Alaskan redneck hockey player scream in horror even as it openly titillated a dozen Republican senators from Colorado Springs to Idaho, though it would probably still get you arrested in Alabama.
7. You know what a strap-on is. In a good way.
14. You prefer spirituality to religion, fluid self-determinism to Biblical dogma, premium sake to sacramental wine, devising new sins instead of merely indulging the old ones, swallowing instead of spitting, back door to front, Shakti to Mary, and floating instead of kneeling.
18. Your most treasured pieces of writing don't feature Muggles, Hobbits, glossy centerfolds of Dale Earnhardt Jr., dogs named Marley, or an angry and omnipotent patriarch who demands unquestioning subservience and strict adherence to often cruel, arbitrary laws of behavior from on high, who forsakeths thou for months and years at a time and never writes or calls and then suddenly reappears without warning only to rain down hellfire and frogs and locusts and totally inconvenient plagues on everyone, and never even apologizes. And then you're supposed to feel all guilty? For like, 2,000 years? Whatever.
Morford is an Obama supporter. Number 8 on his list reads:
8. Barack Obama's oratory power, strength of character, and subtle understanding of complicated issues have actually served to dissolve a venerable portion of the acidic pessimism that's been eating into your very soul for eight solid years, causing you to actually begin to believe that maybe, just maybe, nuanced intellectual acumen and the nearly bankrupt American experiment do not necessarily have to be mutually exclusive. Only elitist snobs know what "venerable" means. Or "acumen." Or "you."
So, here's a question. At campaign stops in Nevada yesterday, The Associated Press reports that Obama told his supporters that they were his "ambassadors." He said, "You guys are the ones who can make the case." One wonders how Obama feels about the case Morford makes on his behalf with lewd sexual references and Christian-bashing?
