Sound Familiar? USA Today's Sports 'Impeachment' Targets Players It Doesn't Like

December 23rd, 2019 10:00 AM

Democrats omitted the "trivial little" matter of "high crimes and misdemeanors" from their impeachment of President Donald Trump, and USA Today's Nancy Armour follows their lead in her sports version of "impeachment." She rationalizes her mockery of sports impeachments because the Republicans are doing the same with the political impeachment.

Some of her impeachments are based merely on a dislike of certain teams and individuals. Pretty much like the Democrats have done with the president they hate.

"Yes, I know. Impeachment is a gravely serious matter, and not something that should ever be treated lightly," says Armour. "But since the Republicans are making a mockery out of it, we figured we can take a few liberties."

Among Armour's impeachment targets are Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder and the Duke University basketball program (seen in photo celebrating 2015 national championship) just because she doesn't like them. She tries to justify the Duke impeachment because, "There are plenty of successful programs that rub people the wrong way. But the Blue Devils are perhaps the only school that could field a starting lineup and backups for a team of 'Most Annoying Players.'”

Snyder gets the "I" treatment because he ...

"Has had the title of 'worst owner in sports' locked up for quite a while now. He defiantly clings to a racist nickname, and has turned what used to be Washington’s marquee franchise into an afterthought. If that. And he wants to wrangle public funding, or public land, for a new stadium? Hahahahahahaha, hohohohohohoho, heeheeheehee. Oh, that’s a good one! Though watching him try might be more entertaining than his team’s actual games."

The American League baseball champion Houston Astros front office "is filled with arrogant, awful people." By cheating and helping their hitters know when to expect curve balls from rival pitchers, the Astros come the closest to "high crimes and misdemeanors" of anyone on Armour's list. When exposed, "they look for scapegoats to excuse their arrogance and awfulness," Armour complains.

For trying to preserve amateurism in college sports, the NCAA is also on Armour's list:

"All too happy to cash the big paychecks from broadcasters and sponsors while stubbornly insisting the 'student-athletes' responsible for the largesse aren’t entitled to share in it. By continuing to bury their heads in the sand as public opinion has shifted, however, Mark Emmert and Co. will be their own undoing. Legislation in California, along with bills pending in Florida and other states, will force change, and the issue has now gotten Congress’ attention, too."

Another NFL team owner, Dean Spanos makes the list, not for breaking any rules or laws, but for moving the San Diego Chargers to Los Angeles: "He turned traitor on a loyal fan base because it had the audacity to say the billionaire should pick up more of the tab for a fancy new stadium. Which he would profit from."

The NFL's "awful" referees get the impeachment nod from Armour, who says the entire country can agree! There's plenty of room here for more officials, especially the NBA zebras who were mistakenly overlooked.

NFL receiver Antonio Brown should get impeached, too, because he's a "headache," but the same can be said of a lot of social justice warriors in sports and sports media. Namely LeBron James, Eric Reid, Michael Bennett, Charles Barkley, Max Kellerman, Steve Kerr and Greg Popovich, just to name a few.