'Put A Chick In It and Make It Lame & Gay!': South Park Special Nukes Woke Disney

October 30th, 2023 1:06 PM

South Park’s Paramount+ special, “Joining the Panderverse” which aired Friday, hilariously annihilates Disney’s CEO Bob Iger and Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy for ruining classic films with forced diversity —and it’s pure gold.

The episode revolves around Eric Cartman’s nightmares in which he and his group of friends are replaced with racially and sexually diverse women who whine about the patriarchy.





And if you have a question about Cartman being replaced by a sassy black woman, you’re probably a bigot and a racist. Duh! 


PC Principal: Sit down boys. One of our students here says you have been treating them unfairly.

Stan Marsh: Treating who unfairly?

Kyle Broflovski: We didn’t do anything. We’ve been minding our business and she keeps saying that she’s Eric Cartman.

PC Principal: Okay, and what’s wrong with that?

Stan Marsh: What’s wrong, is that it doesn’t make any sense.

PC Principal: Oh, okay I see. There’s a diverse female where Cartman used to be and you don’t like that.

Kyle Broflovski: It’s not that we don’t like it. But don’t you think that’s weird?

PC Principal: I don’t see a problem with it at all. And if you boys don’t think Eric can be a black women, then maybe the problem is you.

Kyle Broflovski: What?

Stan Marsh: You think it’s perfectly normal that Cartman is suddenly a black woman?

PC Principal: You probably don’t like that Indian Jones got replaced by a female either? You probably have a problem with black Spiderman too.

Stan Marsh: No, Miles Morales is sweet.

Kyle Broflovski: That’s a whole thing with a character and narrative. This is just taking the same old Cartmen and putting a black women in it.

Black Cartman: Well you know what I think about that Kyle? [Farts in Kyle’s face.]

Kyle Broflovski: God dam**t, Cartman!

Stan Marsh: Dude, what the f**k is going on?

PC Principal: I’ll tell you what’s going on. You boys feel like your white culture is being threatened, so you’re lashing out with racism. And if you say anything more about a black woman Cartman not making any sense, then you can all have three weeks detention. Now get out of my office.

As the storyline progresses, Cartman discovers that it’s not just a bad dream but actually the fault of Kennedy and some ancient artifact that they refer to as ‘The Pander Stone,’ —which apparently opened up a portal to parallel universes, because it was misused.

The special artifact also opened the door to a Cartman-Kennedy like character who runs around from scene to scene, shouting 'put a chick in it and make it lame & gay.'

Including at restaurants. LOL!

Spago Waiter: There you are, Mrs. Kennedy, the linguini and clam sauce.

Mrs. Kennedy: Uh, excuse me? I believe I asked you to put a chick in this and make her gay?

Spago Waiter: Uh…Yes, the chef was a little confused what you meant by that.

Mrs. Kennedy: It means put a chick in the linguini and make her fu**ing gay! And I want it lame! (Screaming)

In the show Iger and other fictitious Disney executives bemoan the company’s stocks going down, eventually realizing that the random and unoriginal abuse of wokeness in reboots is killing the brand.

Running parallel to the Disney drama is a story revolving around helpless college educated characters, who are on desperate searches for tradesmen to work on their basic home repairs.

The tradesmen are thriving because they're charging absurd amounts of money for their services. 

The educated characters eventually end up in a Home Depot parking lot in search for illegal immigrants who might be willing to do repairs in exchange for their ‘knowledge'. 

What they instead find are very rich handymen rolling up in luxury vehicles who have no need for expertise in things like communications or geology.


Reporter: Tom, I’m still here at the scene. Dozens of white collar workers are gathered hoping to get the attention of just one handy man. It’s a scene of desperation and a reminder of where our country’s economy is heading.

[A handyman pulls up]

Stan Marsh: Hey excuse me. You’re a handyman right? Can you come look at my oven door. I can trade you services. I have geology skills. Could you come fix my door and I give you some geology.

Handyman: Hey why don’t you guys get out of here. You’re making the Home Depot look all shi*ty.

Stan Marsh: Fu**ing rich a** holes.

Gerald Broflovski: Boy, I wish I knew how to fix stuff. I could be rich too.

Stan Marsh: I could know how to fix stuff, but the problem is when I could have been learning how to fix stuff, I went to fu**ing college instead.

Businessman: He’s right. We all went to college, and where did it get us?

Therapist: Ya, I’m still paying off my college loans.

Stan Marsh: Ya, so am I. And I don’t know how to do anything because I got suckered into going to college to learn stupid geology, that anyone can know because of AI. F**k College. Let’s go get our fucking money back.

[Crowd cheers]

Stan Marsh: Hey college, you know what you are. You’re a scam. College is a scam.

The educated characters eventually take out their grievances on the local university for ‘failing’ them, but also fail miserably at that to say the least.

The handymen are so rich, they're actually billionaires who also engage in space wars, while buying up social-media companies. 


Conservative Twitter predictably loved the episode: