Yippee-ki-gay: Charlize Theron Wants Lesbian Die Hard Film Remake

December 9th, 2020 5:35 PM

It didn’t seem possible to make 2020 crazier than it already was, but then somebody had the bright idea of producing LGBTQ Christmas movies for the holiday season. Hijacking the holidays for new LGBTQ propaganda was bad enough, but now actress Charlize Theron is planning on ruining an old holiday film with a new remake. Obviously, film companies do this all the time, but Theron is planning to ruin the film with LGBTQ propaganda. 

According to boundingintocomics.com, the American-South African actress wants to redo the famous Christmas action movie Die Hard and have protagonist cop John McClane replaced by a lesbian cop. Thought up by someone on Twitter, the story would be about how “Charlize Theron goes on a rampage to save her wife.” Theron retweeted the post with the words, “Where do I sign.”

What a great step forward for mankind. One can already hear the gushing of Twitter’s woke mob over the “inclusivity” and “representation of minorities” in the enterprise. Why not make “replace” culture a thing and do a lesbian remake of Braveheart with Wilhemina Wallace, or of Gladiator with Maxine Decimus Meridius. Who would not be entertained by that.

This is a worse idea than the LGBTQ Christmas movies. 

But woke actress Hannah Simone, who appeared in New Girl, approved of the idea, going so far as to tweet, “Let me know if you need a tired Indian wife who doesn’t like to run fast even when danger is present and therefore would need all the saving.”

Theron retweeted in reply, “I got your back boo!”

The whole idea sounds weak. Alan Rickman’s character (the main antagonist in the original film) will probably become an intolerant, white, male, Christian bigot, in order to emphasize the LGBTQ fight for inclusivity. The conflict may bring tears to the eyes of social justice warriors, but the villain’s role will be one-dimensional at best. 

People who want to watch Theron go on a rampage as a lesbian should see Atomic Blonde. Leave the Christmas classics alone.