Friday night, Last Man Standing aired a new episode titled “Arrest Her Development” focusing, in part, on Mike’s (Tim Allen) liberal son in law, Ryan (Jordan Masterson); however, this night he wasn’t so liberal. To Mike’s surprise, Ryan is going about his marijuana business in a capitalist way.
Ryan: Thanks for coming. I need your opinion.
Mike: Who doesn't? So what's on your mind?
Ryan: Well, you saw in the p&l statement that Bud's Buds is having a good year.
Mike: Yeah, congratulations.
Ryan: Thank you. And I have an idea on what to do with the profits.
Mike: Oh, boy, here we go.(Russian accent): What's on your mind, comrade?
Ryan: I want to renovate the upstairs storage area and turn it into more retail space.
Mike: (Regular accent): Wait just a minute. That's not a dumb idea.
Ryan: I know.
Mike: No, I was expecting a dumb idea.
Ryan: I know. Surprise.
Mike: Let me get my head around this. You want to take your profits and pour them back into your business to expand.(Chuckles) There's a word for that. Capitalism. Which makes you a capitalist.
Ryan: No. That makes me a businessman.
Mike: Yeah. Mm-mm.
Ryan: And-and not all businessmen... I am a good person.
Mike: Yeah. But in time, you'll be wearing a monocle big stove pipe hats.
Ryan: O-okay. But by growing the business, I am creating more jobs, which helps my employees and the community.
Mike: Hmm. You know what I'm hearing right now? "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, capitalist." You know, "Sorry about the mess, but the maid died carrying all my gold bricks into the parlor. Why don't you stop by for gin rummy at the club? Okay. We'll have some, uh, or a gin and tonic. Ta-ta, everybody!"
It seems owning a business and having real world experience is starting to make Ryan aware of the benefits and efficiency of Capitalism. His epiphany doesn’t stop there, however, he starts to sound a lot more like his father in law, Mike, when he begins complaining about all of the red tape he has to go through in order to expand his business. This, of course, thrills Mike.
Mike: Oh, look at that. My favorite capitalist. Nice boots. Perfect for jumping on the back of the proletariat.
Ryan: They're fair trade faux leather boots, Mike. And unlike your comments, cruelty-free. Can we talk business now?
Mike: Yep, time is money, and I know how you love money.
Ryan: Can you just sign these papers? I need your authorizations on the applications.
Mike: I already signed these.
Ryan: No. These are different. You signed the authorizations to get the applications. These are supplemental clearances specific to marijuana businesses.
Mike: Boy, what a headache. But I'm sure you've got a product for that.
Ryan: I'm drowning in codes and regulations and ordinances. Not to mention all-all these fees. Yeah. I know, it's ridiculous. I mean, how does the government think they know more about my business than I do?
Mike: I think what you're asking for is smaller government.
Ryan: No. I just want less red tape.
Mike: Like I said, smaller government.
Ryan: Huh? Ah? Ah?No, I... (Stammers) Huh?
Mike: Listen. First, you're a capitalist. Now you're griping about government overreach. Pretty soon, you'll be invited to a little party.
Ryan: Don't say it.
Mike: The mascot's an elephant.
Ryan: (Groans) Oh, my God.
Becoming a capitalist starts to bother Ryan so much that he feels as though he has become greedy and selfish. However, as Mike explains, Capitalism can actually be used to help people. In fact, it is a more efficient means of helping people than socialism as it puts the power in the hands of the individuals that are a part of their society in need instead of the government that is more removed. Mike’s practical solutions proves this.
Mike: Downstairs, they said the real dope is upstairs. I think the real dope just walked in the door. Hey-o! Listen, I got a little bad news for you.
Ryan: Well, I'm already a capitalist and a Republican. What, did you found out that I'm related to Ted Cruz?
Mike: He is Canadian. No, I got a notice from the city, and your clearances were rejected. Sorry.
Ryan: Yeah. Well, doesn't matter anyway, because I'd have to do so many upgrades to comply with city code that I would never get any of my money back, and seeing as how money is the only thing that matters to me now, it's a no-go.
Mike: Oh, you're really getting worked up about this, aren't you?
Ryan: 'Cause I don't know who I am anymore, Mike.
Mike: Right there. Calm down.
Ryan: I used to care about people, okay? And now all I care about is moolah, scratch, dinero, the cheddar. You must like it 'cause you got a lot of pet names for it.
Mike: Okay, uh, listen, there might be another way to go. And do the expansion, and just, uh, take your chances,
Ryan: huh? No, I can't. That's illegal.
Mike: Only if you get caught. And what's the worst that could happen?
Ryan: They would pull my permit and all my employees would be out of work, and I'm not gonna do that.
Mike: Because you care about employees.
Ryan: Yes. You're right. I care. They're my employees, and I am gonna take care of them.
Mike: So you're not the Monopoly man. Okay? Not all businessmen are. You know, it's possible to make money and still have a conscience.
Ryan: Yeah, but for so long I thought the two were mutually exclusive.
Mike: That's because for so long you just had one of those. Caring only about profits is the easy way, but you've never done anything the easy way.
Ryan: I think that's a compliment.
Mike: Listen, there might be a way to make money on this space and still help people.
Ryan: Okay. How?
Mike: Well, this whole block here is zoned live-work, and this used to be an apartment. Do you think someone wants to live up here? I think I might know a young couple for a little fixer-upper. Yeah, well, it would be nice to do somebody some good.
Ryan: Yeah. And I could charge a little bit less than fair market value, and I don't even care if the rent's a little late I'm a cool landlord.
Mike: (Chuckles) You're a cool landlord. And a capitalist.
It turns out that despite what many socialists think, Capitalism and evil are not synonymous! Thank you Last Man Standing for giving us a lesson in Economics 101—let’s just hope the socialists out there are taking notes.