South Park creators Trey Stone and Matt Parker are known for their quick turnaround of new episodes, but airing a new episode on Wednesday night, less than 24 hours after the election results came in, was particularly impressive.
The opening of “The Very First Gentleman” hilariously captured the feel of election night, including a despondent news anchor and a Hillary Clinton – excuse me, Turd Sandwich – victory party where people are crying, throwing up, and committing suicide.
News anchor: And, uh, definitely a bit of a surprise here. Looks like America has voted for a change of pace. The world is in a bit of a shock, uh... Is this -- w-we're sure this is for real, right?
Randy: What have you done?! You maniacs!
[ Gun cocks ] [ Gunshot ]
News anchor: We, uh -- I guess we're going live to the acceptance speech now. Uh, okay. Here we go.
Later, to help unite South Park Elementary School, PC Principal brings in Bill Clinton, who was “almost the first gentleman in America.” But, like OJ’s search for the real killers, Bill pledges that despite the election results his work to be a gentleman is not going to stop. He introduces “Bill Clinton’s Gentlemen’s Club” – a joint venture with Bill Cosby.
PC Principal: All right, everyone. List I know that many of us were shocked to the core with last night's election but we cannot allow our school to be any further divided. It is time to try and start the healing process. And so, here to try and help us heal is Bill Clinton.
Clinton: Hi, kids. I'm Bill Clinton, and I was almost the first gentleman in America. Thank you. Even though we might have lost the election, it doesn't mean that my work to be a gentleman is going to stop. I'm gonna ask all you boys to agree to join Bill Clinton's Gentlemen's Club. But I can't do it alone. Sometimes, I wish there were two of me. Oh, wait. There are. Oh, Bill?
Bill Cosby: Yes, Bill?
Clinton: Come on out here.
Cosby: Hello, boys and girls.
Both: ♪ I'm Bill ♪ ♪ And I'm Bill ♪ ♪ And together, we're Bill and Bill ♪ ♪ Two birds of a feather comin' to your school ♪ ♪ Gonna show you all about what gentlemen do ♪ ♪ When you're not quite sure how you feel ♪ ♪ Ask Bill and Bill ♪ Say, Bill... Yes, Bill? Would you like to join my Gentlemen's Club? You know I would, Bill.
As part of the Gentlemen’s Club, Bill and Bill attempt to help Stan get Wendy back, by offering advice such as “make sure she knows how you're gonna change, whether she takes you back or not,” and “if you're just changing to get her back, then you're being selfish again.” Clearly spoken from experience.
Bill Clinton also goes to advise Butters, who is continuing his wieners out protest. Bill admits “my wife is a crazy bitch… And now that she's lost everything, let me assure you, she is piiiiiiissed.”
Bill Clinton: What do you think you're going to achieve, young man? You really think all this pickle-pressing is gonna get you anywhere?
Butters: Well, I'm just angry, Mr. Gentleman. I'm tired of girls saying boys need to change. Somebody has to stand up for our rights!
Clinton: What happened, son? Did a girl break your heart?
Butters: [ Voice breaking ] No.
Clinton: I know. I know how hard they can be. But something's about to happen that you aren't aware of. You see, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And trust me, my wife is a crazy bitch. She and all the other women in the world are about to get payback, and we are all completely [bleep]. It's my fault, really. I’ve done things my whole life that gradually broke her spirit. And now that she's lost everything, let me assure you, she is piiiiiiissed. Now our only chance is to keep our heads low and act like we're changed men. Because we're very close to the end.
Butters: The end? Of what?
Clinton: Women are sick of our shit, son. And soon, they're gonna know everything we've said and done online. And unless we start kissing their asses, we're all gonna be put in a big chamber underground and milked for our semen.