Tom Arnold's The Hunt for the Trump Tapes premieres on Tuesday but unfortunately there seems to be nefarious forces out there trying to hinder his quixotic quest. According to Arnold, one of those trying to stop his hunt is the former producer of The Apprentice, Mark Burnett, whom Arnold is accusing of choking him at a pre-Emmys party in Los Angeles on Sunday night. In another interview, TV Guide summerized the comedian: "Bob Woodward and I" "are basically the same guy."
A barely coherent red-faced Arnold describes the confrontation to a flock of reporters who might be wondering if the former Mr. Roseanne Barr can remain on his feet through the entire conference:
The Hollywood Reporter sets the scene of that emotional press conference that occasionally touched on a bit of reality in this September 17 report:
Arnold, the 59-year-old actor/comedian turned investigative journalist, is speaking to The Hollywood Reporter from the waiting room of a Beverly Hills ear, nose and throat specialist, a flock of paparazzi milling outside. He's been asked the most obvious question first: Was an alleged violent confrontation with reality TV mega-producer Mark Burnett at a pre-Emmys party — the one that had all of Twitter buzzing on Sunday night — merely a promotional stunt for his new Viceland show?
And now Arnold describes the bravery of his face off with Burnett:
The trouble began almost as soon as Arnold and Fogel arrived. To enter the party, held outside the Century Plaza Hotel, guests had to mount a stairway. At the top, Arnold, outfitted in black horn-rimmed glasses and a grey checker blazer, spotted Burnett standing with several other people. (One likely would have been Burnett's wife Roma Downey, who later tweeted a photo of a bruised hand, alleging it was the result of an "ambush" attempt on the couple.)
According to Arnold, Burnett then proceeded to "straighten out and eyeball me." Undeterred, Arnold then ascended the staircase and, he says, quickly got the sense that Burnett was "moving in [his] direction."
"He's getting closer, he's super chesty, he's breathing heavily," Arnold recalls. "Then he bumps into me. I could smell his f---ing breath. He's in my f---ing face, psycho-eyed. I look at him eyeball-to-eyeball, like, 'Are you f---ing kidding me?'"
Um... Who's the psycho, Tom? And now his excuse about why he was unable to maintain his balance in the fight with former parachute commando Burnett:
It was then, he says, that Burnett took Arnold's throat in one hand — what he calls a "kung-fu grip" — and began to choke him. "He grabbed my windpipe hard. Maybe it was something he learned in the U.K. Special Forces." (Burnett served as a parachute commando in the British Army from 1978 to 1982.)
Arnold calls the maneuver a "sucker choke" for the way it threw him off-balance at the top of a steep staircase. "So I tried to regain my balance," he recalls. "I'm like, 'You better let me get my balance if we're going to f---ing fight, you c---sucker. You motherf---er.' And I'm also having trouble getting my wind. All of a sudden I hear one of his buddies say, 'Mark! Don't choke him! Mark! Don't choke!'"
Arnold then started yelling at Burnett. "I just hammered in on him: 'You f---ing crazy, psycho, Trump-f---ing bastard!' He had lost it. Did he think he was going to kick me out? 'You’re not getting in,' he told me. I don’t know if he was drunk or what. Did he think he could keep me from walking past him? Did he think he could out-tough me? He had this blank stare on his fucking face like he’s out of his f---ing mind."
As to his new show, Bob Woodward will be thrilled to hear Tom Arnold claim to be him:
"Bob Woodward and I today are basically the same guy," sounds stupid.
So if you're Bob Woodward, Tom, then you must know there is no evidence that he could find of Trump-Russia collusion as Woodward recently admitted.
Finally, the new face of #TheResistance gives us a preview of how he plans to keep it classy in his Hunt for the Trump Tapes.
"Don't worry. Tom Arnold is on it and I'm Tom Arnold."