ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel continued into Thursday’s show with his never-ending obsession with the Trump family as what he seems to believe as the lone source of jokes on planet Earth, quipping that Donald Trump Jr. has been such a failure in life that he’s actually a cocaine addict who “couldn't run a Dunkin’ Donuts” and, if he did, “on the first day, he'd snort all the powdered sugar and get his head stuck in the macchiato machine.”
Trump Jr. became the topic de jure as Kimmel brought up a new 2024 presidential polling from Politico and Morning Consult that cited the former First Son and Governor Ron DeSantis (R-FL) as “two favorites to win the GOP nomination” if former President Donald Trump passes on a bid to reclaim the White House.
“I love that. Don Jr. couldn't run a Dunkin’ Donuts,” said Kimmel to the delight of the far-left audience, adding said line about being a cocaine addict who’d “snort...the powdered sugar.”
Of course, the idiocy of this is off the charts considering it was Kimmel who kissed up to actual crack addict Hunter Biden back on April 8, 2021.
Before playing a fake campaign ad, Kimmel continued his painfully unfunny bit: “He's going to be the president? But that doesn't mean he isn't taking it seriously. And say what you want about DJTJ, this is a young man who believes in himself.”
Kimmel finally moved on, but not before saying to (supposed) laughter form audience members that “it would almost be worth it for Don Jr. to become president just to see Trump not show up at his own son's inauguration, right?”
Prior to mentioning Trump Jr., Kimmel brought up the poll’s finding that “46 percent say they would back a generic Republican” over President Biden even though “[t]he only problem is there are no generic Republican candidates anymore” because “[t]hey've been chased off by strippers with machine guns who wear glasses to pretend they can read.”
Again, this is supposed to be hilarious.
Here’s no more line that was allegedly hilarious: “But Republicans are looking for new blood. Unfortunately, Rudy Giuliani keeps drinking it.”
Kimmel’s unfunny jokes and smears about Trump Jr. and tens of millions of GOP voters were made possible thanks to the endorsement of advertisers such as Allstate, McDonald’s, Nissan, and Starbucks. Follow the links to see their contact information at the MRC’s Conservatives Fight Back page.
To see the relevant ABC transcript from January 27, click “expand.”
ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live!
January 27, 2022
11:39 p.m. Eastern
JIMMY KIMMEL: Speculation about who will occupy the White House in January of 2025 has already begun and the numbers aren't so good for Joe Biden or Donald Trump. According to a new poll from Politico, more Americans would vote for a generic Republican candidate than for President Joe Biden. 46 percent say they would back a generic Republican, 37 percent would vote for Joe. The only problem is there are no generic Republican candidates anymore. [LAUGHTER] They've been chased off by strippers with machine guns who wear glasses to pretend they can read. [LAUGHTER] But Republicans are looking for new blood. Unfortunately, Rudy Giuliani keeps drinking it. [LAUGHTER] The good news for Joe Biden is, in a match-up against Donald Trump, the poll says he's up by a point, 46 percent to 45 percent. The poll also showed that Biden would beat Mike Pence, Ron DeSantis, or Ted Cruz, so I think that's all of them, right? And isn't it too early for these polls? The election is three years away. By that time, Trump will either be in prison, or he'll be emperor. [LAUGHTER] We — one or the other. If Trump doesn't run in 2024, right now there are two favorites to win the GOP nomination according to the poll: Ron DeSantis and his son, Don Jr. [LAUGHTER] I love that. Don Jr. couldn't run a Dunkin’ Donuts. [LAUGHTER] Don — on the first day, he'd snort all the powdered sugar and get his head stuck in the macchiato machine. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] He's going to be the president? But that doesn't mean he isn't taking it seriously. And say what you want about DJTJ, this is a young man who believes in himself.
ANNOUNCER: America is ready for a new kind of leader.
DONALD TRUMP JR.: Joe Biden is what stands between us and the nuclear capable China.
ANNOUNCER: He’s qualified
TRUMP JR.: I’m the son of the President of the United States.
ANNOUNCER: He's got big ideas.
TRUMP JR.: Why doesn't Elon Musk create a social media platform?
ANNOUNCER: And he's got the Rona.
TRUMP JR.: Apparently I got the Rona.
ANNOUNCER: And not to mention a mind for business.
TRUMP JR.: Check out my contact on Rumble.
ANNOUNCER: He's not afraid to take on the big guys.
TRUMP JR.: I guess I did something to piss off the Instagram gods.
ANNOUNCER: Or to reach out to his supporters with kindness and love.
TRUMP JR: Jacob, your incredible fiancee, Rebecca, told me you passed your P.E. exam.
[TRUMP JR. SHOOTING A GUN]
ANNOUNCER: You have a choice in '24.
TRUMP JR. [on 01/06/21]: You can be a hero or you can be a zero.
FAKE DONALD TRUMP JR.: I'm Donald Trump Jr., and I don't have a job. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
KIMMEL: It's good and tell you what. Honestly, it would almost be worth it for Don Jr. to become president just to see Trump not show up at his own son's inauguration, right? [LAUGHTER]