HBO’s John Oliver was greatly upset with Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer on Sunday’s Last Week Tonight for using a fictional family as his ideal of a swing voter. This family, known as the Baileys, is center-right-ish middle class, which for Oliver means that Democrats risk losing their left-wing base. To further attack Schumer, Oliver brought in actors Bobby Moynihan and Edi Patterson to portray this couple; only now they were Oliver’s caricature of conservatives: cartoonishly hypocritical, judgmental, conspiratorial, supportive of political violence, and sexually aroused by January 6.
Oliver teed up the skit by addressing Schumer, “What I am saying is, by tailoring your policies so heavily to them, you are pulling yourself to the right, and in doing so, could be alienating not only the rest of your base, but new voters looking for a party that speaks for them. So, Senator Schumer: at least when it comes to formulating policy, it might be time to break up with the Baileys. Which really shouldn't be that hard to do, given politically, it seems they've already broken up with you. And I know you are not going to listen to me—after all, I'm not a fictional couple from Long Island. But luckily, we managed to track down the Baileys, and they have a special message just for you.”
In the skit, Moynihan, who played the role of Joe Bailey, declared, “You need to talk to some other people because I know you think you can win us over, I mean us specifically, but I've got to tell you, there is no way that's happening… We’re Republicans, Chuck.”
According to these fictionalized Republican voters, being a Republican means falling for the “litter boxes in schools” hoax and blaming celebrity deaths on vaccines.
For Moynihan’s character, it also includes, “I get super, super mad when store clerks don't say ‘Merry Christmas’ even in June.”
Patterson’s Eileen Bailey claimed, “I got banned from Chili's for screaming at someone wearing a mask,” and demanded to know, “Where's my straight pride parade, huh?”
The couple professed to have ten My Pillows each, with Patterson adding, “Not to sleep on though. They’re terrible, but we have a ton of them because we support free speech. Also, let me put this out there, if you're putting your pronouns in your email, you should be scooped up from your home, you should be thrown in jail.”
Holding up a sign that read “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi,” Moynihan claimed, “Oh, I stormed The Capitol. I got this from Pelosi's office. I’ll hang this sign right over my dick.”
Patterson pretended to be aroused by the idea, “And then I just come in on that dick and I slosh it around in my mouth, and I slosh that dick around some more.”
Given this cartoonish depiction of conservatives, perhaps it was unsurprising that Moynihan claimed, “Our own kids don't even speak to us, Chuck, you shouldn't either.”
Towards the end of the skit, Patterson pleaded, “The point is, stop patronizing us, Chuck, we contain multitudes” as Moynihan elaborated, “Yeah, most of which fucking suck.”
The skit ended with Moynihan suggesting, “Hey, that really turned me on. You want to get out of here?... Let’s fuck under that sign.”
You could easily do the inverse of this skit. You can have liberals thinking Donald Trump was a KGB asset in the 80s, demanding people say “Happy Holidays,” screaming at people for not wearing masks, putting nonsensical pronouns like "ze" or "xir" in their emails, thinking public health exceptions for BLM rallies were rational, or getting aroused by violence at those rallies, but Oliver doesn’t do that because Last Week Tonight is a political show that uses comedy, not a comedy show that uses politics.
Here is a transcript for the August 10 show:
HBO Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
8/10/2025
11:45 PM ET
JOHN OLIVER: What I am saying is, by tailoring your policies so heavily to them, you are pulling yourself to the right, and in doing so, could be alienating not only the rest of your base, but new voters looking for a party that speaks for them. So, Senator Schumer: at least when it comes to formulating policy, it might be time to break up with the Baileys. Which really shouldn't be that hard to do, given politically, it seems they've already broken up with you. And I know you are not going to listen to me — after all, I'm not a fictional couple from Long Island. But luckily, we managed to track down the Baileys, and they have a special message just for you.
BOBBY MOYNIHAN [AS JOE BAILEY]: Hi, Chuck, I'm Joe Bailey.
EDI PATTERSON [AS EILEEN BAILEY]: I'm Eileen Bailey.
BOTH: And we’re the Baileys.
MOYNIHAN: We’re just your everyday middle class couple from Massapequa, Long Island.
PATTERSON: I work in the medical office and I make about $20,000 a year.
MOYNIHAN: And I'm an insurance adjuster and I make about $50,000 a year.
PATTERSON: Though, if you lived in the middle of the country you'd make 40.
MOYNIHAN: No kidding.
PATTERSON: I don't know why 40 is such a funny thing to say.
MOYNIHAN: We wanted to talk to you, Chuck, because apparently you spent your whole political career thinking about us.
PATTERSON: Which is a bit weird and to be honest a little creepy.
MOYNIHAN: You need to talk to some other people because I know you think you can win us over, I mean us specifically, but I've got to tell you, there is no way that's happening.
PATTERSON: I voted for Trump in two of the last three elections.
MOYNIHAN: And I voted for Trump and all three, though I had “misgivings” in 2020.
PATTERSON: The point is, Chuck, we aren't who you seem to think we are.
MOYNIHAN: We’re Republicans, Chuck.
PATTERSON: Yeah, We’re super Republicans.
MOYNIHAN: I think they are putting litter boxes in schools.
PATTERSON: Every time a celebrity dies, I tweet “Vaxxed?”
MOYNIHAN: You want to hear a weird crazy thing, I get super, super mad when store clerks don't say “Merry Christmas” even in June.
PATTERSON: I got banned from Chili's for screaming at someone wearing a mask.
MOYNIHAN: I take ivermectin every day out of spite.
PATTERSON: Here's a question, Chuck: where's my straight pride parade, huh?
MOYNIHAN: There's two things we are afraid of: rainbow fentanyl and drag queen story hour.
PATTERSON: And also, the New York subway.
MOYNIHAN: Well, obviously. It’s a terrifying place. We both have ten My Pillows each.
PATTERSON: Not to sleep on though.
MOYNIHAN: No.
PATTERSON: They’re terrible, but we have a ton of them because we support free speech. Also, let me put this out there, if you're putting your pronouns inf your email, you should be scooped up from your home, you should be thrown in jail—
MOYNIHAN: Scooped.
PATTERSON: — and you should never be let out.
MOYNIHAN: Scooped.
PATTERSON: Just scooped up.
MOYNIHAN: Oh, I stormed The Capitol. I got this from Pelosi's office. I’ll hang this sign right over my dick.
PATTERSON: And then I just come in on that dick and I slosh, it around in my mouth and I slosh that dick around some more.
MOYNIHAN: What else?
PATTERSON: What else, what else?
MOYNIHAN: Our own kids don't even speak to us, Chuck, you shouldn't either.
PATTERSON: And we're not saying you ever have to think about us again.
MOYNIHAN: But if you do, try to keep in mind you're not the people you're making us to be.
PATTERSON: Also, Chuck, we fucking hate Kung Pao chicken.
MOYNIHAN: We’re actually, lile, adventurous eaters.
PATTERSON: Yeah, I lean toward Cantonese dishes. Talk about some sweet and sour pork, talking about some rice, talking about dumplings with the tang sauce.
MOYNIHAN: Right, I myself prefer Sichuan Dan Dan noodles, twice cooked pork.
PATTERSON: The point is, stop patronizing us, Chuck, we contain multitudes.
MOYNIHAN: Yeah, most of which fucking suck.
PATTERSON: So go make your political decisions by talking to a broader range of people, Chuck.
MOYNIHAN: Free yourselves of the Baileys.
PATTERSON: We’ll miss you, Chuck. We really will.
MOYNIHAN: Yeah, but we’ll always be here for you, pal. I mean, not really. We’re fictional people, Chuck.
PATTERSON: We’re in your head, you fucking weirdo.
BOTH: Bye.
MOYNIHAN: Hey, that really turned me on. You want to get out of here?
PATTERSON: Big time.
MOYNIHAN: Let’s fuck under that sign.
