On his Thursday, ABC late night host Jimmy Kimmel summarized Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson’s Supreme Court confirmation hearings with a parody of Hollywood award shows. For his final award, he bestowed on Jackson the “award for Outstanding Poker Face While Listening to Idiots.”
After announcing Jackson as the winner at the end of his “Awful People’s Choice Awards,” Kimmel followed up with a montage of supposed “idiots,” who of course were all Republicans:
JIMMY KIMMEL: And the award for Outstanding Poker Face While Listening to Idiots, Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson.
SEN. TOM COTTON [R-AR]: You think we should catch and imprison more rapists and sex criminals or fewer?
SEN. MARSHA BLACKBURN [R-TN]: Can you provide a definition for the word "woman"?
SEN. TED CRUZ [R-TX]: Do—do—do-- you agree with this book that is being taught with kids that—that-- babies are racist?
SEN. JOSH HAWLEY [R-MO]: Do you have anything to add?
KETANJI BROWN JACKSON: No, senator.
Kimmel specifically couldn’t hide his contempt for Ted Cruz, who received the “Outstanding Sitting Stone-faced While Your Colleague Calls You a Jackass” and “Outstanding Supporting Actress” awards. Of course, Kimmel wasn’t intelligent enough to see that the latter award confirmed Cruz’s concern about the definition of “woman.”
Other awards included the “Outstanding Skeptical Chin Rub” and “Outstanding Putting on and Immediately Removing Glasses” which went to Louisiana Senator John Kennedy and the “Outstanding Indignant Hand Chop” which was given to South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham.
Before the awards show began, Kimmel reported that Antiracist Baby, the Ibram Kendi book Cruz highlighted, has become number one on Amazon, “And not only is the book selling well, since Cruz's little grandstand, Amazon is also seeing a spike in sales of psoriasis medication, wart remover, nose hair trimmers, male SPANX, slug repellent, and mullet combs. So congratulations to Ted.”
Kimmel's fake awards show and recycling the “slug” “joke” about Cruz is just the latest in a week’s worth of attacks on Republicans. This week alone he has also called Republicans racist and compared them to QAnon.
This segment was sponsored by Consumer Cellular.
Here is a transcript for the March 24 show:
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!
3/24/2022
11:42 PM ET
JIMMY KIMMEL: Today marked the final day of the Supreme Court hearings for Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson. Ted Cruz, he even outslimed himself this week. On Tuesday, you know, he singled out this children's book called Antiracist Baby for promoting Critical Race Theory, which actually it doesn't. He said the book teaches that babies are born racist, which it also doesn't. And as a result of Ted's tirade, that book is number one on Amazon, it’s a number one seller.
It was the opposite of Oprah's Book Club or something. And not only is the book selling well, since Cruz's little grandstand, Amazon is also seeing a spike in sales of psoriasis medication, wart remover, nose hair trimmers, male SPANX, slug repellent, and mullet combs. So congratulations to Ted. You know, this is good. If you're wondering what Ted Cruz was really focused on during the hearings, somebody got a shot of him on his phone yesterday searching for his own name on Twitter. You get, how embarrassing and can you imagine being Ted Cruz and still wanting to know what people were saying about you online? Ted wasn't the only senator who did some playacting this week. There were a number of noteworthy performances and with that said, here are the nominees for the Awful People's Choice Awards.
Outstanding Skeptical Chin Rub, John Kennedy.
KETANJI BROWN JACKSON: My ability to not speak to contentious political issues --
KIMMEL: Outstanding Supporting Actress, Ted Cruz.
SEN. TED CRUZ [R-TX]: If I decide right now that I'm a woman, and apparently I'm a woman.
KIMMEL: Outstanding Putting on and Immediately Removing Glasses, John Kennedy.
SEN. JOHN KENNEDY [R-LA]: But first -- um --
KIMMEL: Outstanding Sitting Stone-faced While Your Colleague Calls You a Jackass, Ted Cruz.
SEN. BEN SASSE [R-NE]: I think we should recognize that the jackass-ery we often see around here is partly because of people mugging for short-term camera opportunities.
KIMMEL: Outstanding Indignant Hand Chop, Lindsey Graham.
SEN. LINDSEY GRAHAM [R-SC]: Children being exploited and abused, every time somebody clicks on, is to put their ass in jail, not supervise their computer usage.
KIMMEL: And the award for outstanding poker face while listening to idiots, Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson.
SEN. TOM COTTON [R-AR]: You think we should catch and imprison more rapists and sex criminals or fewer?
SEN. MARSHA BLACKBURN [R-TN]: Can you provide a definition for the word "woman"?
CRUZ: Do—do—do-- you agree with this book that is being taught with kids that—that-- babies are racist?
SEN. JOSH HAWLEY [R-MO]: Do you have anything to add?
JACKSON: No, senator.
KIMMEL: Once again—once again-- Spider-man got snubbed.
