In a celebrity world filled with dysfunctional relationships, Ashley Graham – recently dubbed one of Time's one hundred most influential people – is an exception to the rule.
In an essay adapted from her forthcoming book, the plus-size model and body activist shared powerful insights on her decision to practice abstinence and the beautiful partnership she now shares with husband Justin Ervin. But her happiness didn’t come without a struggle.
When her first boyfriend made disparaging comments about her weight and their relationship ended because of her refusal to have sex, Graham began to date anyone who found her attractive. But her dates began to follow a pattern. “A guy took me out,” she wrote for Glamour, “then we had sex, then I wouldn’t hear from him again.”
Eventually, Graham decided to start attending church – but not to find a man. “I truly wasn’t looking for anyone other than the person I wanted to be,” she clarified.
While volunteering as a greeter, she encountered her now-husband Justin, who asked her out for coffee. And although they immediately connected, Graham was put off when Ervin asked to split the check.
Continuing to pursue her, Ervin explained his reasoning, and clarified that he would cover the check for all their dates to come. “When you told me you were a model,” he explained, “I assumed you were one of those beautiful women who uses guys for a fancy dinner. I don’t play that game.”
At that point, Graham noted, she understood what healthy communication looked like.
“It was profound; all I wanted to do was keep talking to Justin,” she recalled. “The consistency and openness was so new it felt weird.”
From that point onward, their courtship was “innocent and sweet.” Although the duo spent lots of time together, they refrained from sex. “For Justin, abstinence was a firm commitment to his faith,” Graham noted. “We never tempted ourselves by going over to each other’s apartments late at night.”
As their relationship progressed, Graham finally took Ervin home to her family in Nebraska. New struggles awaited them there. Ervin is African-American, and Graham’s family were clearly displeased with their relationship.
“I naively hoped everyone would be color-blind,” the model reminisced, “which is not what happened.”
Despite his cold reception, Ervin tried to make Graham understand that her family hadn’t personally known many black men, and made their judgments of him based off of negative media representations.
But Ervin won Graham’s grandmother over when he called her on her sixtieth anniversary. “And from then on out, she loved him,” the model wrote.
Concluding her essay, Graham praised her husband of seven years for his intentionality, strong communication and his constant display of “love before pride.”
“I didn’t like my mom and dad’s marriage, but I couldn’t put my finger on why,” she stressed. “But thanks to Justin’s constant communication, I envisioned a marriage that was more than just two people loving each other. And now we have that marriage: a partnership dedicated to building something bigger than ourselves.”
In an entertainment culture of rampant divorce and affairs, and increasing receptivity to open relationships, Graham’s story is a beautiful reminder that strong, faith-grounded marriages still exist.
