While everyone can agree safety is important, ABC's The Middle shows us how the federal government likes to overcomplicate even the smallest of workplace incidents.
On Tuesday’s episode “Trip and Fall,” Mike (Neil Flynn) trips down a set of stairs while leaving work. He tries to brush off the rather embarrassing incident as nothing, but his Safety Officer, Dave (Malcolm Foster Smith), snaps into action.
He brings in an OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration) officer named Tom (Brian Howe) who takes Mike’s minor trip and raises it to a major hazard. He goes so far as to stop production of the quarry for a hilarious lesson in walking up the stairs - "Don't Be A Hero...Use The Hand Rail" - much to Mike’s chagrin.
Mike: What the hell's going on?
Dave: Oh, Mike, this is Tom Hanson, our OSHA compliance officer.
Tom: Hello, Mr. Heck. Are you the injured party?
Mike: There is no injured party. I'm not injured.
Dave: What about your ankle?
Mike: It's nothing. As I told my soon-to-be-former employee, my foot just landed wrong. It stretched in the back.
Tom: Ah, yes. Yeah, we call that one the "High heel" injury.
Mike: Uh, no, I think it's an old football injury. And just to be clear, I was wearing work boots.
Tom: Uh-huh. Attention, Team B. Please report to the administrative trailer.
Mike: Look, this was just a dumb thing. It's not a big deal. We just have to stop talking about it.
Tom: With all due respect, you should never stop talking about safety. Hello, everyone. Due to Mr. Heck's recent incident, we're gonna take time right now to do a safe-stair drill.
Jim: Aw, come on!
Chuck: He can do that?
Tom: Mr. Heck, could you come here? You're gonna help me demonstrate. [ Sighs ] The most important thing to remember -- always use the handrails. Now, for your first step, you're gonna want to use your dominant foot. And do not -- I repeat, do not ever skip a step. Okay, Mr. Heck, let's see you go up those stairs. Whoa, whoa! Slow down. Nothing is ever so urgent that you can't take the time to be safe. Now let's see you do it the correct way coming down. Good. Very good. And you used the handrail for the descent, also. I like that.
Mike: Done here?
Tom: Nope. Not till everyone takes a turn. Let's line it up, boys. Hey, hey, hey, hot-dogger! Whole foot on the step.
Chuck: Oh! You can't tell the Chuck what to do, government man! Fight the power!
Stopping production for some demeaning safety drill – what a great image of our federal programs! While they may seem to be there to help, they really only overcomplicate simple tasks and force businesses to comply with their costly rules and regulations. Such efficiency – said no one.
