ABC’s ‘The Real O’Neals’: Want to Find Your Gay ‘Type’? Watch Gay Porn

Have I mentioned that The Real O’Neals is the worst show on television? If I haven’t, don’t worry. I’ll show it to you.

Tuesday night’s edition of the ABC sitcom, titled ‘The Real Spring Fever,’ started out as always: with gay teenager Kenny (Noah Galvin) lamenting that he has no gay love life. Nothing abnormal about this so far. At least as far as this show is concerned. However, things then took a turn for the super bizarre when Kenny’s sister Shannon (Bebe Wood) informs him of news regarding his mother’s love life:

Shannon: Well, mom’s internet dating.

Kenny: Shut up!

Jimmy: What?

Shannon: Yeah, I heard her talking to Aunt Jodi about it. Next we'll meet a series of guys, which will be awkward, but at least one of them will teach us how to ski. And dad will meet a career woman who thought she missed her chance to have babies, but marries dad by summer so she can squeeze a couple out before she gets the change.

Jimmy: What did she just -- what? What? N-- wait, no, dad still lives downstairs. Will we all live together when they're remarried? WHA-- are we becoming mormons?

Kenny: No, mom cannot get a boyfriend before I do.

Jimmy: Really? That's where you went with this?

Kenny; Listen, it's creepy and upsetting that our parents are moving on, but I'm 16 and I'm still way more interested in this.

No, what’s far creepier and upsetting than Kenny’s parents divorcing and moving on, is having their son feel challenged and threatened by his mom getting a boyfriend before him. Of all the mother-son drama that plays out on television, there’s no more nausea-inducing dynamic than that.

However, it didn’t end there. Because Kenny is pretty recently out of the closet and doesn’t know the “ways” of gay dating yet, his brother suggests they watch gay porn. Together:

Jimmy: There are a lot of categories. Where do you want to start?

Kenny: I don't know, but I do like the shirt in the Brooks Brothers ad.

Jimmy: Oh, linen's back.

Kenny: Yeah, finally. Um, okay, let's start with something mellow. Oh, like this one. "Office Party." I mean, it's at work. People can't misbehave too much, right? Whoa, Nelly! That's not mellow. It's not mellow.

Jimmy: There are so many people at this party.

Kenny: Far too many. Come on, I just wanted to see nice men doing normal gay stuff.

Jimmy: Yeah, me too. To be supportive. I'm trying to be supportive. Why don't we search for something else? Not to be homophobic.

Kenny: No, you're not homophobic. New search. It's not working. It's frozen. Oh, god! What's happening now? WHA-- why are all these windows popping up?

Jimmy: Dude, it's a pornado. Shut it down. Click it off now! Kenny!

Kenny: It's not stopping. It's getting worse. So many close-ups, and that one's straight porn. Be consistent!

Jimmy: Where does it end?

Kenny: God. I just wanted to find someone to like. I can't handle this!

Jimmy: Don't leave me with all the butts in my face! Not to be homophobic!

A porn-nado. Sounds scary. What’s scarier is this is becoming a trend. Not in real life (I hope) but on gay-themed television shows. For which it seems I am assigned an inordinate amount of. Two weeks ago on an episode of The Fosters, a 14 year old kid was talking about having gay sex, didn’t know what that meant, was told by an older kid to check out gay porn, and did so. Complete with some pretty real sound effects.

Now, fast-forward two weeks to another gay themed ABC show, and we have basically the same thing happen again. Both of these shows occur in primetime and both of these shows use children as the “curious” young gays who need to learn about gay sex.

That’s no accident.

Put those things together and it looks like a concerted effort to drive people, including young people, to gay porn websites.

It’s one thing to have a show with gay characters. It’s another thing to have their homosexuality be the focal point of the show. But when you’re actively trying to drive people, especially kids, to gay websites, then that is something entirely different and completely ridiculous.

Coincidentally, “entirely different” and “completely ridiculous” are excellent terms to describe The Real O’Neals.

Pornography Homosexuality

Sponsored Links