UK Telegraph: 'Humans Could Evolve Webbed Feet if Sea Levels Rise'

January 13th, 2016 11:40 AM

Quack! Quack!

Be advised that the article you are about to read did not appear in The Onion. However, it is completely understandable if that is what you think because the story, which appeared in the U.K. Telegraph, takes Global Warming Alarmism to such an extreme that it has passed from the absolutely absurd into the completely hilarious. Just how laughable is the article? So funny that The Telegraph science editor, Sarah Knapton seriously quotes a (quack?) scientist proposing that the rise of sea levels could cause humans to evolve webbed hands and feet:

The perils of climate change are well known, but rising sea levels could also alter human evolution, scientists have claimed.

Rising sea levels could force communities to live in underwater or semi-aquatic towns which could change out physiology.

Dr Matthew Skinner, a paleoanthropologist from the University of Kent, claims that humans could evolve to have webbed hands and feet and less body hair so they could move quickly through the water.

A duck-billed paleoanthropologist? But wait... There's more!!!

Our eyes would even become more like cats, so we could see in the murky gloom of seas and rivers and our lungs would shrink as we became used to using artificial tanks to breathe underwater.

“Regular underwater foraging would lead to the evolution of longer fingers and toes which would then likely develop ‘webbed’ interconnecting skin to enable easier swimming,” said Dr Skinner.

“We may evolve a tapetum lucidum, an additional layer in the retina, like cat’s eyes, that would improve our vision in low light conditions such as underwater.

“Due to the cold environment of being submerged in water regularly, we would maintain a layer of ‘baby fat’ into adulthood as an insulator.”

Gasp! How could this scientist overlook the obvious evolution of a dolphin type sonar to find our way around underwater? A serious scientific oversight. Perhaps I shall register a complaint with another expert in this field, Dr. Daffy Duck.

Quack! Quack!