Sykes Urges Colbert, Pope Leo To 'Burn This B**** Down'

Alex Christy
March 13th, 2026 9:51 AM

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CBS’s Stephen Colbert welcomed comedian Wanda Sykes to Thursday’s taping of The Late Show for a conversation that was as ridiculous as it was wide-ranging. In the span of just a few minutes, Sykes urged Colbert to team up with Pope Leo and “burn this bitch down” on the night of his final show, demanded that TSA agents be paid while omitting that the reason they go unpaid is because of a Democrat shutdown, and helped Colbert resurrect a wildly misleading talking point about Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s food spending.

Sykes implored, “So, the last show what you going to do? You've got to go the hell off the last show, like, burn this bitch down. You got to—I mean—”

 

 

She also quipped, “I heard they turning it into a Walmart, so don't worry about it. So, yeah—I mean, you always bring the fire every night. But that last show has to be like, like destruction. Like, yeah.”

Colbert insisted that he was “a lover, not a fighter,” which gave Sykes an idea.

Elsewhere, Colbert has said that Pope Leo would be his dream final guest, which led Sykes to try again, “See, I knew you was going to say that. Alright. And we know—I know who you are as far as, like, you are a man of faith and all that and love is stronger than hate. So, maybe your last guest, your last guest you bring on the pope. Bring on the pope.”

After some banter about the difficulties of making that happen, Sykes insisted, “You get the pope here. But when the pope gets here, he's got to go the hell off. He's got to burn this bitch down.”

The fact that Leo might say some things that Colbert and the wildly applauding audience might not like was not something anyone was willing to consider. As it was, Colbert moved on, “One of the things I am looking forward to not doing so much is not following the news quite so tightly all the time. I still care, but I don't have to ingest it all the time. Do you follow the news? Are you aware the president took us into an optional war?”

 

 

Nowhere is it written that a late night comedian has to “ingest it all the time,” but that aside, Sykes, who used to work for the NSA, replied:

I’ve heard. I heard. It's ridiculous. It really is. It's unjustified and here's the thing. We are going into this war, it’s like, I don't know how many billion dollars a day. We are in the middle of a shutdown. We've got a shutdown going on, right? And they’re spending all this money on war because ‘Ooh, we are afraid of Iran’s going—‘ I'm not worried about them and their bombs and bombing us. I am scared about these TSA agents not being paid. I don't know if you've ever been—See, I don't know if you've been pat down by Big Shirley, but Big Shirley’s rough. Now, Big Shirley not getting paid, and she's not getting her nails done so her nails are all raggedy and she's patting you down and snagging your sweater, scratching you up. No. Pay these people. Pay these people.

The reason why DHS is shut down is because Democrats want to pressure Republicans to agree to ICE-related concessions, but Colbert eventually shifted topics again, “Did you see, sort of, the extravagance that the Pentagon has spent?”

Sykes was ready with a bunch of new nicknames for Hegseth, “I mean, it was like $96 billion they wasted on, like, crab legs, steaks, lobsters. He’s supposed to be secretary of War. I think he's secretary of Red Lobster. That's what I'm going to call him now. Don't make any sense.”

 

 

Colbert chimed in with, “The Battle of Cheddar Bay. There you go. Yeah. I like a crab leg, though. I love a crab leg.”

Sykes then continued, “I love a crab leg too. That's what I'm calling him now. Crab Leg Hegseth. That's his name. Crab legs. The Secretary of Crustaceans.”

Since the comedy shows keep repeating this talking point, it must again be noted that the fancy food is part of a decades’long military tradition of giving service members a morale-boosting surf and turf meal before something significant such as a deployment, extended mission, or combat operations.

Here is a transcript for the March 12-taped show:

CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

3/13/2026

12:04 AM ET

WANDA SYKES: So, the last show—

STEPHEN COLBERT: Yeah.

SYKES: —what you going to do? You've got to go the hell off the last show, like, burn this bitch down. You got to—I mean—

COLBERT: It's a lovely theater. I don’t want to—It's a lovely theater.

SYKES: I mean—yeah. Yeah.

COLBERT: Sure.

SYKES: I heard they turning it into a Walmart, so don't worry about it.

COLBERT: Yes. Yes.

SYKES: So, yeah—I mean, you always bring the fire every night. But that last show has to be like, like destruction. Like, yeah.

COLBERT: I’m a lover, not a fighter, Wanda.

SYKES: See, I knew you was going to say that. Alright. And we know—I know who you are as far as, like, you are a man of faith and all that and love is stronger than hate. So, maybe your last guest, your last guest you bring on the pope. Bring on the pope.

COLBERT: Do you have a pope connection? Because I want a pope connection. I want to get Leo on here. He's ghosting me. He is holy ghosting me.

SYKES: Okay. Let's work on it.

COLBERT: Work on it.

SYKES: Let's work on it. I go direct. I go direct.

COLBERT: Oh, you go right around the pope, to the Big Guy.

SYKES: I go direct.

COLBERT: I should have done that. Yeah, that’s the Catholic problem. We got to go through the intermediary, yeah.

SYKES: I'm going to put that in my prayers tonight.

COLBERT: Please do.

SYKES: You get the pope here. But when the pope gets here, he's got to go the hell off. He's got to burn this bitch down.

COLBERT: One of the things I am looking forward to not doing so much is not following the news quite so tightly all the time.

SYKES: Right.

COLBERT: I still care, but I don't have to ingest it all the time. Do you follow the news? Are you aware the president took us into an optional war?

SYKES: I’ve heard. I heard. It's ridiculous. It really is. It's unjustified and here's the thing. We are going into this war, it’s like, I don't know how many billion dollars a day.

COLBERT: One billion a day.

SYKES: We are in the middle of a shutdown. We've got a shutdown going on, right? And they’re spending all this money on war because “Ooh, we are afraid of Iran’s going—”

I'm not worried about them and their bombs and bombing us. I am scared about these TSA agents not being paid. I don't know if you've ever been—See, I don't know if you've been pat down by Big Shirley, but Big Shirley’s rough.

COLBERT: Yes.

SYKES: Now, Big Shirley not getting paid, and she's not getting her nails done so her nails are all raggedy and she's patting you down and snagging your sweater, scratching you up. No. Pay these people. Pay these people.

COLBERT: You mentioned, it is a billion dollars a day.

SYKES: Yeah. Yeah.

COLBERT: At least a billion dollars a day, yeah. So, you're concerned about the fiscal wisdom of how our government spends money?

SYKES: Absolutely. And, you know, I thought Trump ran on “I'm going to lower prices. Things are going to be so low, going to be so cheap" and now prices are even higher. I mean, you know it's bad when you go to the grocery store and you look at something, you be like “Damn, I can get this cheaper at the airport.”

COLBERT: The freshest vegetables at the airport.

SYKES: I am taking my business to the Hudson News. I don't know about this.

COLBERT: Did you see, sort of, the extravagance that the Pentagon has spent?

SYKES: Yes! Yes! I mean, what, Hegseth, they bought, what, crab legs?

COLBERT: Lobster.

SYKES: I mean, it was like $96 billion they wasted on, like, crab legs, steaks, lobsters. He’s supposed to be secretary of War. I think he's secretary of Red Lobster. That's what I'm going to call him now. Don't make any sense.

COLBERT: The Battle of Cheddar Bay. There you go. Yeah. I like a crab leg, though. I love a crab leg.

SYKES: I love a crab leg too. That's what I'm calling him now. Crab Leg Hegseth. That's his name. Crab legs. The Secretary of Crustaceans.

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