ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel reacted the first day of the Conservative Political Action Conference with his usual hurling of insults as he labeled attendees as both “fascist” and “racist.”
During his monologue, Kimmel declared that, “In Washington, the fascist and the furious have gathered to praise their lord and savior, Donald Trump, at the annual CPAC convention. This is a convention for all your worst aunts and uncles.”
Briefly deviating from the attendees to talk about Trump, Kimmel reported that, “It’s-- Mar-a-Loudo is performing on Saturday night. He’s giving a big speech, he said, ‘I will be at CPAC on Saturday, talking about the fact that obviously, our country is going to ´hell,' and how to fix it.’”
Kimmel proceeded to further elaborate on Trump’s legal situation, “Or at least the first part. The Tandalorian was very fired up today. He wrote ‘They're not’—in all caps—‘coming for me, they're coming for you, I'm just in their way.’ No, they're coming for you. When you get arrested? None of the rest of us are going to prison with you. You're going to be in there, begging for hairspray alone.”
Getting back to CPAC attendees, Kimmel claimed that, “This CPAC event, it’s kind of hard to explain, every, like, low-rent radio host and podcast racist with a dye job and a fleece vest shows up to try to out-crazy each other.”
Reaching for an analogy, Kimmel asked, “Remember the first seasons of American Idol when the losers would just line up and be mowed down by Simon Cowell? It's like that but without Simon Cowell. So, instead, you get people like Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana who delighted the crowd with a series of homespun zingers so hilarious, he's taking his act on the road.”
Kimmel then proceeded to play a satirical ad for a Kennedy comedy tour featuring many Kennedy-isms.
This segment was sponsored by Allstate.
Here is a transcript for the March 2 show:
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!
3/2/2023
11:37 PM ET
JIMMY KIMMEL: In Washington, the fascist and the furious have gathered to praise their lord and savior, Donald Trump, at the annual CPAC convention. This is a convention for all your worst aunts and uncles.
It’s-- Mar-a-Loudo is performing on Saturday night. He’s giving a big speech, he said, “I will be at CPAC on Saturday, talking about the fact that obviously, our country is going to ´hell,' and how to fix it."
Or at least the first part. The Tandalorian was very fired up today. He wrote "They're not”—in all caps—“coming for me, they're coming for you, I'm just in their way."
No, they're coming for you. When you get arrested? None of the rest of us are going to prison with you. You're going to be in there, begging for hairspray alone.
This CPAC event, it’s kind of hard to explain, every, like, low-rent radio host and podcast racist with a dye job and a fleece vest shows up to try to out-crazy each other.
Remember the first seasons of American Idol when the losers would just line up and be mowed down by Simon Cowell?
It's like that but without Simon Cowell. So, instead, you get people like Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana who delighted the crowd with a series of homespun zingers so hilarious, he's taking his act on the road.