‘America Has Always Been Bad’: Libs Celebrate Independence Day

July 2nd, 2018 2:19 PM

Liberals are never comfortable with displays of American patriotism, so Independence Day is particularly awkward for them. Everybody likes cold beer, hot dogs and fireworks, but the militarism and U.S. imperialism and corporate greed and ... as Broadly assistant editor Leila Ettachfini declares, “America has always been bad, no matter who the president is or was.”

But there are ways for conscientious lefties to observe Independence Day, and Ettachfini has an article titled “How to Celebrate the 4th of July When America is a Constant Disappointment.”  This is, of course a tall order in 2018. Trump’s election has worsened “the qualities that make America particularly bad—racism, sexism, homophobia, the institutionalized manifestations of each of these.”

Like any good liberal, she suggests celebrating Independence Day by ruining everybody else’s. Her tips include shoving petitions into people’s faces while they are trying to enjoy time with their family, because “deporting kids who’ve never lived anywhere else should get on their nerves more!!”

She advises that “if you sense that you’ve been invited to a patriotic party where you’ll be expected to wear red, white and blue—and all but make out with the American flag—feel free to ditch it.” (One gets the sense Ettachfini doesn’t get invited to many of those parties. Or any, really.)

But if you are planning a party be sure to “look at your guest list” because “if it’s homogenous in race, gender, and/or sexuality” you should “question why.” Because nothing is more American than inviting someone because of their race to meet party quotas.

A few of her other suggestions include:

  • Small talk sucks. Ask fellow guests if they’re registered to vote, and tell them how to do that if they don’t know.
  • Dishes aren’t fun, but take one for the environment and avoid paper and plastic waste. Climate change is real, even if the president begs to differ.
  • Reach out to your local mosque, Black Lives Matter chapter, or LGBTQ center to see if and how they can use your help organizing or celebrating this Fourth.

Or see if they can send over some token members to fill out your party diversity quota.

The notion of marking the Fourth by annoying others with your politics isn’t new. Last year, GQ’s Jay Willis encouraged liberals to avoid condescending to:

the single most American of all the vaguely America-themed holidays, the one that most readily lends itself to your most gluttonous cookouts, your coldest light lager, and your tackiest flag- and/or bald eagle–emblazoned tank tops that you, a functioning adult, should never have purchased in the first place, much less kept buried in a dresser drawer for this long.

Willis wanted everyone instead to lobby their senators over a healthcare bill. “It's probably less festive than whatever you had planned. But it's the most American thing you can do.”

But that was last year. This 4th, the enlightened progressive should ponder the “true meaning of American patriotism – as opposed to the malignant, distorted view of it propounded by Donald J. Trump,” Former Clinton Secretary of Labor Robert Reich says Trump’s patriotism centers “on symbolic displays of loyalty like standing for the national anthem and waving the American flag,” as opposed to real patriotism that involve “strengthening our democracy” by “defending the right to vote and ensuring more Americans are heard.” Which doesn’t include “pushing laws that make it harder for blacks and Latinos to vote.”

Reich prefers patriotism is a bit more … bolshevik in tone. Communist poet Langston Hughes, “expressed loving devotion to America” because he wrote “let America be America again” and “the land that’s mine – the poor man’s, Indian’s, Negro’s, ME –.” He also quotes Woody Guthrie: “This land is your land, this land is my land.” (Yay, sing-along!) All that’s missing is a reference to unrepentant Stalinist Pete Seeger.

Yes, believe it or not, to Reich, being patriotic means being a good liberal.

Historically, American patriotism has meant taking a fair share of the burdens of keeping the nation going. This includes volunteering time and energy to improving the community and country. It has meant paying taxes in full rather than lobbying for lower taxes, seeking tax loopholes, or squirreling away money abroad.

So there you have it. If you can even deign to acknowledge this horrible country in this horrible time with a horrible president and horrible Republicans and voter suppression and racism, sexism and people being mean to transgenders and trees and the climate, you can at least signal your virtue by raining on everyone else’s Independence Day.