CBS’ Madam Secretary took to the airwaves on Sunday night, apparently with the expressed intent of letting Hollywood know that a Hillary presidency would be a very, very Hollywood-friendly presidency.
In an episode titled “The Long Shot,” Madam Secretary’s (Tea Leoni) staff, faced with trying to turn back the Russian tide they helped release upon the Ukraine, is struggling to develop a media strategy for winning the hearts & minds of Ukrainians and ethnic Russians living in Eastern Ukraine. You may recognize it, it’s basically how CBS puts together its Sunday night line-up:
Jay: The Russian television network broadcasts these cheesy game shows that can be picked up in the eastern part of Ukraine and the Baltic states.
Daisy: Where a lot of ethnic Russians live. Just read that part.
Jay: Right. The shows are popular with those folks, and when they're over, the Kremlin airs a "News hour."
Matt: Otherwise known as state-controlled propaganda.
Jay: Exactly. False reports that ethnic Russians are being murdered in the West and nuclear plants are melting down. That Ukraine is secretly planning to invade Russia. Without truth to counter it, people believe the lies.
Daisy: And every day, U.S. Security interests in Europe are undermined.
Matt: What’s your battle plan?
Jay: Public Diplomacy thinks that if we could license a popular American program, we could air it opposite the Russian game shows. Steal those viewers away.
Matt: Baywatch, or Let’s Make a Deal-ski? I mean, it's... It's no contest.
Jay: And then we follow our show with a real news hour. I talked it over with the secretary and she feels strongly that we need to fight Russian aggression on all fronts, and that means implementing a long-term media strategy.
Daisy: Game on. What's our budget?
Jay: Nothing Hollywood would be interested in.
This is so ABC, and NBC, and CBS (except for Blue Bloods which is awesome) and basically every other liberal network on television. The State Department game plan here is basically to use comedy and entertaining dramas as a lure to get the attention, and lower the defenses, of unsuspecting Ukrainians and ethnic Russians, then let fly with the ol’ propaganda machine while people are still belly laughing.
How is this not what networks do to Americans here? Anyone who has watched 8 minutes of Blackish is more than familiar with the funny opening scene that sets up the topic for the show, followed immediately by History Channel-type footage of black people being discriminated against. Anyone who has seen Modern Family has noticed the reference to current gay rights issues about halfway through the show after you’ve already been laughing for 15 minutes. Like when Cam took a shot at the Koch brothers a few weeks ago. Or, the time Mitch “just happened” to be watching the news after a Supreme Court win for gay marriage while on the phone with Cam.
This is how the lefties let the proverbial snake in the grass, and if the State Department has their way, those pesky Eastern Ukrainians will be Modern Family’d to death! At least that’s the plan. The State Department takes their hot plan to Hollywood next, where they basically steal the plot line from Argo while engaging in heavy studio petting. It doesn’t go well. It seems, in a wild scheme to actually turn a profit, Hollywood didn’t want to finance Madam Secretary’s scheme at a loss. Which is why the State Department has to bring out the high-caliber guilt guns:
Lehane: I know this is disappointing, but in many ways, the entertainment industry is like the federal government, right? It's large, somewhat inefficient, and it's very resistant to change.
Jay: If you would just agree to keep working with me, I...
Lehane: Much as I hate to do it, I can't. It's-it's just not feasible. I have to pass.
Jay: I can get you ten minutes with the president.
Lehane: I already met him-- fundraiser at Gwen Stefani's house.
Jay: Listen, you're right, okay? I don't... I don't have anything to trade with you. Ten years ago, I was stationed at a consulate in Herat, Afghanistan. It was dangerous, but we'd been there for months, no problems. We let our guard down. One of our SUVs hit a roadside bomb, and three foreign service officers were killed. Friends of mine.
Assistant: I'm so sorry.
Jay: I'm-I'm not done. We were evacuated the next day. I was getting on a H... I was literally getting on a helicopter. When the consul came up, he wanted me to stay with him and-and handle the arrangements for the bodies. We needed to get them back to the States, to their families. I said, "No. Let someone else do it." I was young and scared, and I wa... I wanted to go home. But the next morning, I regretted it, and every day since, I regret it, because when it was my turn to help, I... I said no. This is your turn. And if you say no, if you say, "Let someone else do it," I promise you, you'll wake up tomorrow morning... ...And you'll... You'll regret it.
Lehane: I'm sorry, Jay. I, uh, I really am.
So, moral of the story, Hollywood not only has the power to avert World War III by coming up with the Eastern European equivalent of Roseanne, but it’s a matter of social responsibility and moral imperative that they respond when their government (read: Hillary) calls. Even if they take a financial loss. Otherwise, they could face a lifetime of “regret” for not performing their “patriotic” duty.
Ergo, when Hillary needs a movie about space invaders colonizing a made-up planet to distract from our embassies being stormed and our diplomats getting chased through the streets, Hollywood needs to do come up with their best Argo, muy pronto.
There was also a really weird sequence late in this show that seemingly had nothing to do with anything. After waking up in an angry mood, and re-shuffling her closet in order to try to repair the damage she caused with her fashion-conscious daughter, Madam Secretary sits down on the bed to be consoled by her husband Henry (Tim Daly). As long as he doesn’t mention anything about that Jewish carpenter guy or his dad:
Henry: What is this really about?
Elizabeth: You think you have your eye on the ball, and then you just end up missing everything. And how am I supposed to guard against things I never even see coming? Effect real change in the world. That was Conrad's pitch. I didn't go looking for the job. And...
Henry: I know you feel bad about Anton. I feel bad about him, too.
Elizabeth: Please don't say anything about God.
Henry: I wasn't going to.
Wha? Why? But…wha? Why not mention God? The exiled Russian Secretary of State was murdered because the plot you ensnared him in, unraveled in an internationally televised eulogy. Seems like some divine consoling could be in order.
The only thing I can think of is that Madam Secretary thought that her husband was going to bring up God because he had just written a religious non-fiction book. But again, I don’t know why that is a problem.
This show could definitely use some divine intervention.