Gutfeld Scorches 'Broken' Media in EPIC Monologue: Division Is Their 'Hamburger Helper'

May 15th, 2020 4:05 PM

Fox News host Greg Gutfeld delivered a scathing monologue on media mistrust during Thursday’s edition of The Five. He spoke about “a new poll about the reliability of journalists” that “comes from Pew, which makes sense because it stinks for the press.” After illustrating the reasons why the American public does not trust the media, Gutfeld described the media as “broken” and slammed them for their pathetic lack of self-awareness.

The poll found that only nine percent of Americans have a great deal of confidence in the media. Gutfeld showed multiple montages illustrating why the public’s mistrust of the media was justified. At the end of the first montage featuring media personalities talking up the narrative of Russian collusion and proclaiming “the beginning of the end of the Trump presidency,” Gutfeld surmised that “the numbers would have been worse were it not for Fox News.”

 

 

At this point, Gutfeld played another montage highlighting the legacy media’s obsession with FNC. When the montage concluded, Gutfeld asked “what if we stop working? CNN would actually have to cover news but then who could they blame everything on?” Gutfeld proceeded to play a clip of CNN’s Chris Cuomo implying that Fox News is “okay with 10,000 more dead.”

The Fox News host took Cuomo to task for having “the gall to blame us for future death” while his brother, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, instituted a policy that led to thousands of deaths in nursing homes. Gutfeld admonished Cuomo for asking his brother if he was “an attractive person now” who is “single and ready to mingle” while not asking about the deaths in nursing homes.

Gutfeld concluded his monologue by absolutely scorching the media: “The polls suggest the media doesn’t act on behalf of the public probably because they hate the public. The press is overeducated, cloistered, far removed from people who actually make things, their idea of slumming it is non-organic quinoa...The fact is we know the media’s broken and the only entity not reporting it is the media. We need a 12-step program for the press. The first one would be to buy them a mirror.”

Following the conclusion of his monologue, Gutfeld opened up the floor so his co-hosts could weigh in on the poll and the topic of media reliability in general. As he asked co-host Dana Perino for her thoughts, Gutfeld introduced his theory that “division is the Hamburger Helper of CNN. They take a story, they figure out how to divide…and that makes the story bigger. It’s their Hamburger Helper.”

Gutfeld definitely has a point in portraying division as the network’s “Hamburger Helper.”  With the 2020 presidential election less than six months away, expect CNN to serve up many more servings of its division “Hamburger Helper.”

A transcript of the relevant portion of Thursday’s edition of The Five is below. Click “expand” to read more. 

The Five

05/14/20

05:38 PM

 

GREG GUTFELD: A new poll on the reliability of journalists comes from Pew, which makes sense because it stinks for the press. Less than half of Americans have a great deal of confidence in them. I wonder why.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS)

LAWRENCE O’DONNELL: The beginning of the end of the Trump presidency.

NEAL KATYAL: He’s got to know his future looks like it’s behind bars.

CARL BERNSTEIN: It’s clear that Mueller is now connecting the dots between a massive obstruction intended to hide the truth.

NICOLLE WALLACE: And that this cloud about collusion with Russia will hang over him no matter where he stands.

ANDERSON COOPER: The President sees the walls closing in and is lashing out.

RACHEL MADDOW: The presidency is effectively a Russian op.

(END VIDEO CLIPS)

GUTFELD: That’s a montage! So, Americans ranked the press behind lawyers and above elected officials. That’s like saying you’re worse than vermin but not as bad as lice. Sorry, Emily. But the numbers would have been worse were it not for Fox News. The reason? We’re awesome; which is why the other guys hate us so much. It seems like other cable networks exist just to watch Fox.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS)

BRIAN WILLIAMS: Fox News.

JIM ACOSTA: Fox News.

JOHN HARWOOD: Fox News.

CHRIS CUOMO: This is what Fox is about.

CHRIS HAYES: Fox News.

MADDOW: Out of Fox News.

ACOSTA: Figures on Fox News.

CUOMO: Fox News.

O’DONNELL: Watching Fox.

BRIAN STELTER: Fox News.

(END VIDEO CLIPS)

GUTFELD: My God, what if we stopped working? CNN would have to actually cover news. But then, who could they blame everything on? Right, Chris?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CHRIS CUOMO: Everyone around him has a mask on. Now, he doesn’t because he wants to keep up the Fox farce, this B.S. that COVID-19’s overrated. I guess the anti-elitists over there are okay with 10,000 more dead.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: What a child. So, this guy has the gall to blame us for future death. What about death that already happened, i.e. the actual thousands in rest homes he failed to ask his bro about because he had other things on his mind?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CHRIS CUOMO: Do you think that you are an attractive person now because you are single and ready to mingle? Do you really think you are some desirable single person? At that this is not just people’s pain…

ANDREW CUOMO: I think…

CHRIS CUOMO: …coming out of them?

ANDREW CUOMO: I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And 5200 people died in rest homes. Anyway, the polls suggest the media doesn’t act on behalf of the public probably because they hate the public. The press is overeducated, cloistered, far removed from people who actually make things, their idea of slumming it is nonorganic quinoa. I wonder if the media became truly diverse, especially in perspective, would they have gotten so much wrong? Would they have missed Trump’s victory or seen through the collusion and obstruction hoax, the impeachment travesty, would they have seen the coronavirus coming instead of drooling over Adam Schiff’s lies? Would they have seen Michael Flynn for what he was? A hero getting screwed. The fact is we know the media’s broken. And the only entity not reporting it is the media. We need a 12-step program for the press. The first one would be to buy them a mirror. Emily, what’s your take on the poll? Emily?

EMILY COMPAGNO: Oh, sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that because someone was in my ear. What was the question?

GUTFELD: Nothing. I was just saying…going to say hi. They told me to be fast but…

COMPAGNO: Hey.

GUTFELD: …apparently, they screwed it all up. What are your…

COMPAGNO: I know, I’m really…

GUTFELD: …thoughts on…

COMPAGNO: sorry. I’m really…

GUTFELD: …the poll?

COMPAGNO: …sorry. Okay, look, I just…I think that…I think everyone underestimates the power of…and autonomy of every individual to make their own decision and that’s why I’m so proud and honored to work here because we convey everything so that the viewer can make their own decision. A couple decades ago, I used to commute to work on a ferry and every day, I read the physical paper of that metropolis’s main paper, and it was so one-sided. It disgusted me. I stopped reading it and I’ve…I’ve sort of had a suspicion about them. Ever since then, it grew. But it was I who made that decision. The rest of the media isn’t giving their viewers or their listeners a choice.

GUTFELD: Yeah. You know, Jesse, one thing I like about you is your ability for self-reflection. Why is that missing in other parts of the media?

JESSE WATTERS: Oh, I don’t know. If…if I knew, I’d tell you, Greg. But I just…I don’t have that type of ability. I…did Emily just say she like reads a periodical on a ferry to…

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: …a metropolis?

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: Like…

COMPAGNO: I said a couple…

WATTERS: Wow, that’s a lot to take.

COMPAGNO: …decades ago.

WATTERS: Okay. Whatever. Also, Greg, before I say something serious, like, what would ever happen if you met Cuomo at a bar or something like that? How do you think that would go between you guys?

GUTFELD: I don’t know. I have a feeling we don’t go to the same bars.

WATTERS: Yeah, I, I…yeah. Maybe but if you did, I just have a feeling it might not go so well for you.

GUTFELD: No…

WATTERS: Here’s…the only serious point I have for this is…is this. The same people that brought us Russia collusion are now telling us Obamagate is a conspiracy.

GUTFELD: Right.

WATTERS: The media, they…they don’t care. They get it all wrong. Everything they say is… usually, it’s the opposite. Like, if they say that the Obama Spygate thing was done by the books, you know it was dirty as sin.

GUTFELD: Yeah.

WATTERS: That’s all I have to say.

GUTFELD: Dana, my…I have a theory that division is the Hamburger Helper of CNN. They take a story, they figure out how to divide, that…and that makes the story bigger. It’s their Hamburger Helper.

DANA PERINO: I loved a Hamburger helper indeed. I, I…you know, it’s pretty interesting that 48 percent of people actually have a great deal or fair amount of trust in the media so, I mean, maybe that is something to look at in terms of the polarization that we have; I’m not exactly sure. But I do think it is quite rich that somebody who was recovering from coronavirus went on Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and then pretended that he didn’t and then staged his reemergence from his basement after he recovered from coronavirus.