Samantha Bee: 'I Just Got Chills' Over Impeachment

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Full Frontal host Samantha Bee began her opening monologue Wednesday night by expressing unbridled excitement that “the Democrats announced articles of impeachment this week.” Throughout the monologue, Bee made it perfectly clear that the “impeachment fever” she came down with three weeks ago has not subsided at all.

After playing a clip of House Judiciary Committee Chair Jerry Nadler announcing the articles of impeachment, Bee declared: “I just got chills.” The left-wing comedian had a slightly different reaction to a clip of House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy admonishing the House Democrats for going down the impeachment rabbit hole, telling him: “your mouth is saying it’s easy to defend the President but I bet your sphincter’s telling a different story.”

 

 

With a picture of Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh in the background, Bee went on to slam the Republican strategy as “Kava-Noise,” where “white men who have done something awful shout into a camera at us until it goes away” before complaining that “it kind of works.” According to Bee, “after they turn hearings into 14-hour tantrums, they get headlines like ‘Impeachment Devolves Into Partisan Brawl,’ ‘Partisan Fireworks.’” During the course of the monologue, a graphic in the background referred to Republican Congressmen and Senators defending the President, whom she played multiple clips of, as “12 Angry White Men.”

While most of the opening segment focused on the impeachment drama, Bee also took a victory lap as she proclaimed that the Inspector General’s Report on the FBI’s investigation into the Trump campaign leading up the 2016 election “exonerates the FBI for political bias.” In addition to trashing President Trump, she also went after House Intelligence Committee ranking member Devin Nunes; whom she described as a “national sweat depository” and a “newborn baby fawn.”

Reacting to a video of Congressman Doug Collins accusing Democrats on the House Intelligence Committee of playing Match Game with Nunes’s phone records, Bee decided to play her own version of “Congressional Match Game.” Bee asked her audience to play fill-in-the-blank: “Dumb Devin is so dumb, he just tripped on his own (blank).” At this point, a video of the game show Match Game appeared where the contestant gave the word “boner” as her answer.

As her monologue came to a close, Bee admitted that “impeachment is a slog,” expressing disappointment that “the average American could easily come away from the impeachment proceedings with the impression that it’s all just a big loud politically tainted clusterf***.” Bee remarked: “that is terrifying since what it actually is is a big loud politically tainted clusterf*** that will determine whether or not we get to have free and fair elections from now on.”

Showing her true colors as a left-wing political activist, Bee played a clip of House Intelligence Committee Counsel Daniel Goldman to help make her case. When the clip concluded, Bee began “begging” the American public to “pay attention, watch the hearings, read the reports, (and) don’t let them shout you into apathy.” 

A transcript of the relevant portion of Wednesday’s edition of Full Frontal is below. Click “expand” to read more.

Full Frontal With Samantha Bee

12/11/19

10:30 PM

SAMANTHA BEE: Welcome to Full Frontal. I’m Samantha Bee. First, the good news. The House announced articles of impeachment this week.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. JERRY NADLER: Today, in service to our duty to the Constitution and to our country, the House Committee on the Judiciary is introducing two articles of impeachment charging the President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, with committing high crimes and misdemeanors.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEE: I just got chills, and not like the bad chills when I saw Taylor Swift’s creepy smooth cat body, the good chills like when I see Idris Elba’s creepy smooth cat body.

(LAUGHTER)

BEE: For their articles of impeachment, the Democrats decided to go with abuse of power for pressuring the Ukraine to help smear Joe Biden and obstruction of Congress for blocking testimony from witnesses and withholding documents during the impeachment process. Congressional Republicans have decided that the best defense is a loud offense.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS)

REP. LOUIE GOHMERT: It’s not about due process. This is about a kangaroo system.

REP. JIM JORDAN: So-and-so tells so-and-so what somebody said to someone else and there you have it.

REP. MATT GAETZ: Congress had an approval rating at about 9 percent. By contrast, Muammar Gaddafi had an approval rating at 13 percent, and his own people dragged him in the streets and killed him.

REP. KEVIN MCCARTHY: It is not difficult to defend this President but it is very difficult to defend this Congress on what they have done and history will not be kind to them.

(END VIDEO CLIPS)

BEE: Oh, your mouth is saying it’s easy to defend the President, but I bet your sphincter’s telling a different story.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

BEE: I have a name for this strategy. It’s called Kava-Noise. That’s when white men who have done something awful shout into a camera at us until it goes away. My God, can you imagine if a woman tried that strategy? I get accused of being shrill even when I’m sleeping. It wouldn’t work for people of color, either. If any of them tried to pull a Louie Gohmert, they’d get swatted by the white ladies filming them at all times.

...

BEE: Now, the President wasn’t the only politician Republicans were defending this week. He wasn’t even the only politician they were defending specifically for shady phone calls. There’s also House Intel ranking minority member and national sweat depository Devin Nunes.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WOLF BLITZER: The House Intelligence Committee’s ranking member Devin Nunes was closer to the Ukraine affair than he let on. There was a web of communications that he had with the now criminally indicted Ukrainian-American businessman Lev Parnas.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEE: If you’re wondering what Devin Nunes was doing talking to one of Giuliani’s jamokes, he also claims to wonder that.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MARTHA MACCALLUM: What did you discuss with Lev Parnas?

REP. DEVIN NUNES: Well, I don’t even know because I don’t…I’ve never met Parnas and like I filed in federal court, and so, you know, it’s a great question because many people want to know including myself. So, you know, we’re working…

MACCALLUM: You never had any phone conversation with him?

NUNES: We…we have not been able to confirm that yet.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(LAUGHTER)

BEE: I’ve talked to me and I just don’t know if me was on the call with you. Tank you, gorbye. Weirdly, Republicans are going all in on defending this newborn baby fawn, claiming that Democrats were out of line to reveal his name.

...

BEE: So now Devin’s buddies are furious that the Intelligence Committee looked at an indicted goon’s phone records and noticed he’d been talking to Nunes, the guy who’s been leading Trump’s defense in the Intel Committee. They’re acting like it’s nefarious for the committee to investigate the thing they’re investigating. What’s actually nefarious is that Nunes has been defending Trump without letting on that he’s up to his neck in the same scandal, or up to where his neck should be. Look, impeachment is a slog. The average American could easily come away from the impeachment proceedings with the impression that it’s all just a big loud politically tainted clusterf*** and that is terrifying since what it actually is is a big loud politically tainted clusterf*** that will determine whether or not we get to have free and fair elections from now on. As much as Republicans have tried to muddy the waters, it’s actually very clear, as House Intelligence Counsel Daniel Goldman explained.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DANIEL GOLDMAN: President Trump directed a scheme to pressure Ukraine into opening two investigations that would benefit his 2020 re-election campaign and not the US national interest. Despite the public discovery of this scheme which prompted the President to release the aid, he has not given up. He and his agents continue to solicit Ukrainian interference in our election, causing an imminent threat to our elections and our national security.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEE: So, I am begging you, pay attention, watch the hearings, read the reports, don’t let them shout you into apathy because in the wise words of the great Senator from South Carolina…

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GRAHAM: Donald Trump is an enormous douche.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

BEE: We’ll be right back.

 

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