Samantha Bee Trashes Electoral College, Founders as 'a Bunch of Elitist Pricks'

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In recent weeks, Full Frontal host Samantha Bee has used her show as a platform to advocate for progressive policy positions, from student loan forgiveness to gun control. This week, Bee had a new target in her crosshairs: the Electoral College. Bee began her rant by declaring that “Trump’s so-called election is just one of the many reasons the Electoral College sucks and should be abolished.”

Later, Bee asked “Why did our country’s founders stick us with the Electoral College instead of something that actually makes sense?” Bee answered her own question: “partly, it’s because they were a bunch of elitist pricks who thought the average person was too dumb to choose a leader.” After putting up a picture of President Trump, Bee concluded that the Founders’ elitist position “wasn’t that far from the truth.”

Bee made the claim that the Electoral College was created “out of pressure to protect states that were at a population disadvantage because they had so many of those pesky three-fifths people.” According to Bee, the Electoral College “enabled the worst thing our country ever did, which should be reason enough to consign it to the ash heap of history.”

 

 

Eventually, Bee got around to explaining the real reasons behind her hatred of the Electoral College: The elections of President George W. Bush and President Trump, whom she described as “leaking garbage bags.” Bee also described the Electoral College as “blatantly stupid,” praising Democratic presidential candidates for “suggesting a wacky alternative called democracy.” Apparently, Bee never learned that the Founders wanted to make the United States of America a constitutional republic, not a pure democracy.

Taking issue with Iowa Senator Joni Ernst’s claim that abolishing the Electoral College would “silence our voices here in Iowa,” Bee proceeded to insult the voters of her state and compare President Trump to corn: “No one is silencing Iowa’s voice. We’re just saying we shouldn’t all have to live under President Trump just because you corn lovers will vote for anything that has crazy yellow hair and causes loose stools.”

Bee seems to dislike the Electoral College because she thinks it prevents Democrats from becoming President. That idea  is preposterous. If anything, it helps Democrats; since they already start out with a huge advantage in three of the nation’s biggest states: California, New York, and Illinois; which boast a combined 104 electoral votes.

Republicans, meanwhile, only have an advantage in one of the nation’s largest states, Texas, and that seems to be slipping away. Yet, Bee did not acknowledge these facts because they did not confirm her narrative painting the Electoral College as a racist institution designed to help Republicans. Trump Derangement Syndrome knows no bounds.

A transcript of the relevant portion of Wednesday’s edition of Full Frontal is below. Click “expand” to read more.

Full Frontal With Samantha Bee

09/11/19

10:41 PM

 

SAMANTHA BEE: Welcome back to the show. Yesterday, Trump fired National Security advisor John Bolton via tweet. In his own tweet, Bolton said he tried to resign but Trump didn’t let him; presumably because it wasn’t humiliating enough. It’s like if you told your boyfriend you’d be together forever and then he stepped outside and saw sky writing that says “ya dumped.” When shit like this happens, our first thought is always “why the hell did we choose this vindictive toddler?” But remember, we didn’t.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CHRIS HAYES: It’s official. The election results were formally certified yesterday. Donald Trump won the Electoral College and Hillary Clinton won the popular vote by a healthy margin of 2.1 percent.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEE: It was the first time a college accepted Donald without his daddy’s connections.

(LAUGHTER)

BEE: Trump’s so-called election is just one of the many reasons the Electoral College sucks and should be abolished. Yes!

(APPLAUSE)

BEE: Yes. I know that sounds more radical than it is. Most of you probably learned all about the Electoral College in school. I didn’t because I was raised in Canada where the prime minister is elected by moose race…

(LAUGHTER)

BEE: …which somehow still makes more sense than this shit. But as a reminder, here’s how it works. Instead of voting for a presidential candidate, you’re actually voting for some local dipshit you’ve never heard of, with a name like William Rauwerdink. Each party gets its own slate of these dipshits and you’re just choosing which ones get to go to the dipshit convention and vote for President. And since most states are winner-take-all, a candidate can barely win a couple of small states but get more electoral votes than another candidate who wins every single vote in a more populous state. It’s like if all your friends voted to go to Fuddruckers for dinner but John Wayne Gacy voted for murder, so murder it is.

(LAUGHTER)

BEE: Americans have known for a long time that this system stinks and for decades, they’ve preferred a popular vote. That goes all the way back to a poll from 1944, when two-thirds of Americans supported a popular vote. Two-thirds! That’s right up there with the number of doctors in the poll who recommended Gerber baby cigarettes.

(LAUGHTER)

BEE: Why did our country’s founders stick us with the Electoral College instead of something that actually makes sense? I mean, partly, it’s because they were a bunch of elitist pricks who thought the average person was too dumb to choose a leader; which, okay, isn’t that far from the truth.

(LAUGHTER)

BEE: But there was also pressure to protect states that were at a population disadvantage because they had so many of those pesky three-fifths people AKA enslaved people. Now, there is some disagreement among experts on whether the Electoral College was created to help slave states or just had the side effect of doing so. But either way, it enabled the worst thing our country ever did; which should be reason enough to consign it to the ash heap of history, along with low-rise jeans. Listen, my underwear comes up to here and I am not buying new ones and yes, that is a threat.

(LAUGHTER)

BEE: The Electoral College also made these jabronies President. Could you imagine what the world would look like if these two weren’t handed the keys to America? No, things wouldn’t be perfect but we wouldn’t have invaded Iraq. The world would probably be one degree cooler and Gwyneth Paltrow would have this haircut instead.

(LAUGHTER)

BEE: The Electoral College is so blatantly stupid. Some people are suggesting a wacky alternative called democracy.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS)

SENATOR CORY BOOKER: The person with the most votes should be the President of the United States.

SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN: Get rid of the Electoral College.

BETO O’ROURKE: Let’s abolish the Electoral College.

PETE BUTTIGIEG: Twice in my young lifetime, I’ve seen the American people overruled by the Electoral College. It’s time for that to go because it’s undemocratic.

(END VIDEO CLIPS)

BEE: We get it, Pete, you’re young.

(LAUGHTER)

BEE: Instead of reminding us every five seconds, why don’t you just do all your campaigning in a Babybjorn?

(LAUGHTER)

BEE: Of course, Lil Pete is right, but because the Republicans’ last two leaking garbage bags only made it into office through the Electoral College, they’re a little more eager than Democrats to keep it around.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TODD PIRO: Congresswoman Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez getting slammed for calling the Electoral College a racist scam. Iowa Senator Joni Ernst tweeting “actually, AOC, eliminating the Electoral College would silence our voices here in Iowa and in many other states across the country.”

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEE: No one is silencing Iowa’s voice. We’re just saying we shouldn’t all have to live under President Trump just because you corn lovers will vote for anything that has crazy yellow hair and causes loose stools.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

BEE: But states like Iowa already have a disproportionately loud voice thanks to the Senate. You know, the institution that allowed Joni to get elected on this noble platform?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SENATOR JONI ERNST: I’m Joni Ernst. I grew up castrating hogs on an Iowa farm.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEE: Then the owner came in and said oh, my God, what are you doing to my hogs? Get out! Anyway, she makes your laws now. Under the current system, the only votes that really matter are in the swing states. During the 2016 general election campaign, Trump, Pence, Hillary, and “forgot name, will add it in post,” made 94 percent of their visits to just 12 states and they never visited 24 states and yet the conservative argument for the Electoral College always panics over candidates ignoring small states; even though that exactly what’s already happening. Right-wing pundits are also panicked about the so-called urban vote, as Fox News explained after the 2016 election.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BILL O’REILLY: In the large urban areas and blue states like New York and California, minorities are substantial. They well know that neutralizing the largely white rural areas in the Midwest and South will assure liberal politicians get power and keep it. Left wants power taken away from the white establishment. They want a profound change in the way America is run.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BEE: Wow, Tucker Carlson looks like shit.

(LAUGHTER)

BEE: Basically, the argument is that rural white people in the smaller states have a structural disadvantage, so they need the government to help them out with a redistribution of votes. Normally, Fox would call that affirmative action but it’s for white people so they just call it “the way America is run.” But the Electoral College isn’t a simple partisan issue. If the 38 votes in Texas go blue, Republicans will suddenly decide the electoral college was born in Kenya. Regardless of which side benefits, the Electoral College is unfair and undemocratic by design. It’s time to ditch it. We are not looking to eliminate any Americans from the process. We just want every vote to count the same. So, whatever happens, rest assured, rural America, our democracy will always require candidates to travel to your small white states and fellate corn dogs just as the Founding Fathers intended. We’ll be right back.

 

Samantha Bee
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