The Media Research Center would like your assistance in helping those suffering from Collusion Delusion Syndrome (CDS). Many journalists are baffled, sad, and bewildered after the Mueller report failed to find collusion or obstruction by Donald Trump. In a special video, MRC President Brent Bozell explained, “The Media Research Center, with your help, is sending a special care package to every member of the news media and on Capitol Hill suffering from CDS.”
He added, “There are many liberals today who need the MRC Emergency CDS care package. But we are sending them to the special few that I know you and I like the most. We are sending them to CNN and Jim Acosta and also to Brian Stelter. We are sending them up to MSNBC for Rachel Maddow and maybe Chris Matthews and Joe Scarborough as well.”
To contact those suffering from CDS, here are the phone numbers:
Jim Acosta and Brian Stelter (CNN): (404) 827-1500
Rachel Maddow, Chris Matthews and Joe Scarborough (MSNBC): (212) 664-4444
Congresswoman Maxine Waters (D-CA): (202) 225-2201
Congressman Adam Schiff (D-CA): (202) 225-4176
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) (202) 225-4176
Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY): (202) 224-6542
Here is a transcript of Brent Bozell’s message:
BRENT BOZELL: Hi, friends. It’s Brent Bozell from the Media Research Center. I’m coming to you today with a very special message. The Mueller report is now out and we’ve seen that President Trump has been completely vindicated. But we’ve seen something else. Since that report came out, we’ve seen many people all over America, especially on Capitol Hill and in the national news media, suffering. They are looking down. You see them. They are walking across the street muttering to themselves, maybe walking into walls. They are wondering how it could have happened? How in the world was this president vindicated? They are suffering from a very special condition called CDS. Collusion Delusion Syndrome.
CDS is caused by that belief that no matter how much evidence is there that shows that he is innocent, President Trump should be in prison. What can we do for people suffering from CDS? The Media Research Center, with your help, is sending a special care package to every member of the news media and on Capitol Hill suffering from CDS. Our care package, the MRC Emergency Care Package, includes a number of items of importance. We have a teddy bear, a Russian teddy bear, for them to hug. We also have a crayons book for those snowflakes who need to stay inside the lines. And a special box of crayons for them to use.
For those suffering from CDS, they may need a stress relief bag of tea. And there it is. Or maybe, maybe you need to squeeze to get some relief. This is for you. For those suffering of CDS with migraine headaches, we have some Advil. Or maybe for impending ulcers, some Tums. For those who have to weep uncontrollably, we have some tissues. And finally, if nothing else works, a bottle of Russian vodka. And if that doesn’t work, a second bottle of Russian vodka.
My friends, this is no laughing matter. Please, if you see someone with CDS, stop them. Hug them, tell them you love them. Tell them they’ll get over it. That one day they too will realize that President Trump is going to stay in office and there’s not a damn thing they can do about it. There are many liberals today who need the MRC Emergency CDS care package. But we are sending them to the special few that I know you and I like the most. We are sending them to CNN and Jim Acosta and also to Brian Stelter. We are sending them up to MSNBC for Rachel Maddow and maybe Chris Matthews and Joe Scarborough as well. We are going to send them to Capitol Hill too. To Congresswoman Maxine Waters who can’t stop screaming on street corners. We are going to send them to Adam Schiff because he doesn’t think it’s over. And Adam, it’s over. We’re going to send it to Nancy Pelosi and we’re going to send it to Chuck Schumer. We’re sending it with our love. We want you to call the number on your screen. Call them and give your love too. Put your arms around them. Tell them what you really think of them. Tell them we’re going to make it through. Just let them know that you’ll never forget what they tried to do to President Trump.