Jenner to Appear on Cover of SI Wearing the American Flag, Gold Medal, Nothing Else

May 5th, 2016 9:09 AM

If you ever wondered why Russia, China, North Korea, Iran, ISIS, Al Qaeda, and the Taliban all believe that they can collectively, or individually, kick our butt…this might explain it.

According to the Washington Post, Caitlyn (nee Bruce) Jenner will appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated, wearing the American flag, and very little else:

“Former Olympian Caitlyn Jenner is set to appear on a summer cover of Sports Illustrated wearing nothing but an American flag and her gold medal, Us Weekly reported Wednesday.

The 66-year-old “I Am Cait star,” formerly Bruce Jenner, will reportedly pose with the gold medal for the first time her transition, celebrating 40 years since she set a world decathlon record at the 1976 Montreal Summer Games.

Ms. Jenner will wear “nothing but an American flag and her Olympic medal,” an unnamed source told Us Weekly. “She’s excited about that.”

Ms. Jenner has apparently kept her “most prized possession” at the bottom of her makeup drawer so as not to make her children feel inferior.

“I never wanted my kids to feel like they had to have a gold medal in order to be considered a success,” the father of six wrote in an August 2015 blog post, Us Weekly reported. “I didn’t want them to constantly compare their own achievements to my time in the Olympics, so I haven’t displayed my medal.”

Great philosophy: don’t show your kids the single greatest athletic achievement anyone could ever achieve. Instead, show them your stilettos and tiaras.

Yet, once again, the sports media shows us what is heroic to them. Not bloody socks and elimination game grit on the mound in October. On the contrary, it’s a mentally sick senior citizen wrapped in Americana.

Beam me up, Scotty.