NBC’s ‘Heartbeat’: It’s Morning Again in America, But It’s Pretty Awful

April 6th, 2016 10:50 PM

So, just when you thought network television couldn’t mangle the sanctity of the American family any further…I give you NBC’s Heartbeat, a show about a female doctor who essentially sleeps with everyone at her hospital, in her home, and pretty much all upright walking humans. And, when she can, makes the time to save a few people from certain death. By curing deadly diseases.

Got it? Good.

On Wednesday night’s episode, titled ‘100,000 Heartbeats,’ our main character Alex (Melissa George) finally got home from her vacation in Mumbai, and jumped into bed with her husband. And her husband’s husband:

Husband - I smell coriander.

Alex - Laypeople call it curry.

Husband - How was Mumbai? Curing cancer?

Alex - Not yet. But with laparoscopic radioembolization therapy, maybe.

Husband - Still not a doctor. It was good?

Alex - It was great. But this bed... Oh, my God.

Bryan - Oh, hey, Al. Is that nutmeg?

Alex - Curry. Hi, Bryan.

Kids - Mommy! You're home from India!

Alex - Oh, my babies, come here.

Kid - I thought Pierce was gonna move in when you were gone.

Alex - He has a razor and a toothbrush in the bathroom. He's moved in.

I’m just kidding. Her husband and the strange man in the bed aren’t married. Yet. Which becomes a major theme of the show. Because the strange man and Alex’s husband badly want to get married. But can’t, since the fact that he’s still married to Alex is getting in the way.

That’s a love triangle/throuple effect that should absolutely leave those young unsuspecting kids with no scars or life-long issues whatsoever. Absolutely none. I mean, they’re going to be fine.