NBC’s ‘The Mysteries of Laura’ Features Animal Rights Activist Who Thinks Human Life is Almost as Important as a Lion’s

Apparently stymied by the lack of real crime taking place in New York City, NBC’s The Mysteries of Laura resorted to incorporating the fake-crime, look-at-me, I’m-feeling-something-now antics of animal rights activists in Wednesday night’s episode.

After looking up a mysterious trademark graffiti tag found at a murder scene, our trusty, in-touch with the world civilian investigator explains to the NYPD just what and who these animal rights activists really are:


Max: Animal Reintegration Crusade. As in "Ark", the first ever couple's cruise.

Meredith: And these days lunatic fringe of the animal rights movement.

Max: I would not say lunatic. They believe animals have rights that should be defended at all costs.

Captain: Well, do you mean defended with violence?

Max: They may have mailed anthraxes to some oncologists as payback for using lab rats.

Captain: Well, then, lunatic. But why go after Belle Reeve?

Max: "Reve."

Captain: Oh.

Max: Perfume companies are known for using animals for testing, and for ingredients. Whale vomit, feline fecal paste.

Captain: Oh, whoa.

Meredith: Ugh.

There was certainly some fecal matter tossed around in this scene. Spoiler though: the animal rights wackos did not end up being the murderers. Unless it was common sense and logic being murdered, both of which became fatalities in the next scene when police brought the leader of ARC in for questioning after he took a pair of bolt-cutters to the head of a security guard who committed the crime of guarding animals:

Laura: Marcus Hill. Professional pain in the ass.

Marcus: Let me outta here, man.

Laura: You did not just call me "Man".

Marcus: I'm not the one that should be in here. The guy at the warehouse, the wildlife smuggler, he's the real criminal.

Laura: Yeah, but knocking him out with a pair of bolt cutters isn't exactly legal.

Marcus: We were liberating his prisoners.

Laura: I know, we tracked down Mufasa all the way to Astoria. You're still on the hook for assault, burglary... Oh... And murder of Michael Dunham.

Marcus: No, no, no. I would never kill a living being. Even human life is sacred.

Even human life is sacred…” Aw shucks, that was awful nice of him to say.

Animal Rights NBC

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