Keith Olbermann Almost Dislocates Shoulder Congratulating Himself

Keith Olbermann on Tuesday almost dislocated his shoulder patting himself on the back for all the attention he got after being suspended by NBC last Friday.

Like a kindergartner bragging to his parents about the fabulous day he had in school, the "Countdown" host told his viewers how many people signed a petition for his return, the number of tweets he received, and the various television programs that wanted to interview him (video follows with transcript and commentary):

KEITH OLBERMANN: I'd like to close tonight by discussing something that I'm sure has happened to you dozens of times in your own life. You know, when there is a petition supporting you and it winds up being signed by 300,000 people, and you get 21,000 tweets in a 72 hour period, and then you’re invited to be on television because you aren't on television because they want you on to be the lead story on “Good Morning America,” and “Larry King,” and "Letterman," and you break the traffic records on the Huffington Post, and you're on the front page of the New York Times without being dead or in jail or Charlie Sheen or something. Well maybe you’re used to it, but for me it was a kind of a surprise, and all I can seriously say is I'm stunned and grateful and it still feels like a universal hug.

Readers probably noticed only a brief clip of these disgusting festivities was provided. This was intentionally done to protect computers from the damaging effects of the nausea most would have experienced if subjected to the entire segment.

In the history of television, no man has ever spent so much time congratulating himself while the cameras were rolling.

After giving his side of the story, again like a kindergartner, Olbermann played video clips of various TV personalities discussing - you guessed it! - him.

Having done so, and obviously feeling uniquely proud of himself, MSNBC's biggest star concluded by saying how this incident was a fine example of democracy in action, for people quickly after he made his political contributions found out about them.

By contrast, if he had donated to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, America would never have known.

Show of hands: who wishes he had contributed to the Chamber thereby saving us from this pathetic and embarrassing display of juvenile self-congratulation?

For those that are curious, this seeming six-year-old was actually born in 1959.

Yep - he's 51.

Tough to believe, isn't it?

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