Bill Maher closed Friday’s edition of Real Time with a hyperbolic rant directed at Republicans on Capitol Hill. In addition to slamming the congressional GOP for always sticking by President Trump no matter what, Maher compared Republican Senator Lindsey Graham to a “slave abused by fat daddy” and warned that “democracy is about to stop breathing.”
Referring to a leaked conversation where former House Speaker Paul Ryan said “we’re a real family here,” Maher described Republicans as “a crime family.” Maher quickly devolved into sexually charged commentary, wondering if Republicans had a “safe word.” He explained that a “safe word” is “an agreed-upon, specific word that people engaging in rough-sex use to let their partner know: They’re not playing anymore and they really want it to stop,” citing the word “pineapple” as an example.
After remarking that he “would like to think Republicans have that with Donald Trump,” the HBO host alleged that the most loyal clientele for prostitutes are “successful, older, white guys with power and authority they know they don’t really deserve. In other words, they’re Republicans.” Maher declared that “in Washington, they’re all enthralled to Mistress Covfefe and his fifty shades of orange,” as a doctored picture of Trump in bondage appeared in the background. At this point, Maher unveiled the most disgusting comment of his closing monologue: “the way Lindsey Graham acts around Trump, it’s like something out of a Pornhub clip titled ‘Slave Abused by Fat Daddy.’”
Picking up on his graphic analogy, Maher expressed a desire to know “if there is something Fat Daddy can do that will make his Republican bottoms tap out and say ‘Pineapple!’” He complained that Republicans stood by Trump even after he said “Mexicans are rapists,” claimed that McCain “wasn’t a war hero,” and bragged about “grabbing p***ies.”
Eventually, Maher surmised that Republicans would stand by the President even if he “starts poisoning journalists or literally shoots someone on Fifth Avenue.” Maher concluded his monologue by warning that “we’re at the Julius Caesar moment,” where “the Republic becomes a dictatorship,” pointing to “real talk about calling the military into the streets and elections that might not count because ‘they’re rigged’” as justifications for his concern. The HBO host pleaded with Republicans: “If you’ve got a safe word...you’d better use it soon because democracy is about to stop breathing.”
A transcript of the relevant portion of Friday’s edition of Real Time is below. Click “expand” to read more.
Real Time With Bill Maher
BILL MAHER: And finally, new rule. Now that the “blue wall of silence” is finally cracking, Republicans must tell us if we’ll ever see a crack in the “red wall of silence.” Yeah, that’s the solid front Republicans put on whenever Trump does something outrageous; as with last week’s tear-gassing of protesters. Here’s NBC’s Kasie Hunt trying to get Senators to comment on that.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS)
KASIE HUNT: Was what the President did last night the right thing to do? Was that the right thing to do?
SENATOR RON JOHNSON: I didn’t really see it.
HUNT: Was clearing the protesters on abuse of power?
SENATOR PAT ROBERTS: I don’t have any comment. Thank you.
HUNT: You don’t have any comment on what happened at the White House last night?
SENATOR MITT ROMNEY: I didn’t watch that closely enough to know what happened there.
HUNT: Are you concerned at all about what happened at the White House last night?
SENATOR MIKE ENZI: Sorry, I’m late for lunch.
HUNT: Do you think what we saw last night at the White House…
SENATOR ROB PORTMAN: I’m late for lunch.
HUNT: Was what we saw at the White House last night an abuse of power?
SENATOR BILL CASSIDY: I didn’t follow, I’m sorry.
(END VIDEO CLIPS)
MAHER: One thing you got to say about Republicans, they’re tight. In 2016, three Republican Congressmen, Steve Scalise and past and present Majority Leaders Paul Ryan and Kevin McCarthy, were caught on tape in what they believed was a private conversation admitting they thought Trump was on Putin’s payroll. Really? They laugh about it, and then Ryan says “No leaks, right? This is how we know we’re a real family here.” Yeah. That’s how they are: What happens in the underground volcano lair stays in the underground volcano lair. “This is how we know we’re family,” he says. A crime family, sure, but a family. What I want to know now is: Is there another conversation Republicans have had, in private, where they agreed that there was something Trump could do that would make them stop him? Of course they would never tell us because being Republican is all about never breaking ranks, but amongst themselves, is there a safe word? You know what a safe word is, right? Don’t lie, you freaks. You know. A safe word is an agreed-upon, specific word that people engaging in rough-sex use to let their partner know: They’re not playing anymore and they really want it to stop. So, it has to be an offbeat word that would never come up during actual sex. For example, Melania uses “I’m coming.” But for most garden variety freaks, it’s a word like, oh, you know, I don’t know “Pineapple.” You say “Pineapple” so that way when the dominatrix is choking you, you don’t have to say “Stop, you whore, you’re killing me” and she doesn’t have to say, “Wait, really stop,” or “Pretend stop?” And I would like to think Republicans have that with Donald Trump…because any dominatrix will tell you: Most of her customers are successful, older white guys with power and authority they know they don’t really deserve. In other words, they’re Republicans. And in Washington, they’re all enthralled to Mistress Covfefe and his fifty shades of orange. The way Lindsey Graham acts around Trump, it’s like something out of a Pornhub clip titled “Slave Abused by Fat Daddy.” And I want to know if there is something Fat Daddy can do that will make his Republican bottoms tap out and say “Pineapple!” If you asked me five years ago when this nonsense all began what it would be, I would have thought it was the very first thing: “Mexicans are rapists.” But, no. Or the next month, when he said McCain wasn’t a war hero. But it was soon evident that the line was not going to be drawn on matters of behavior. Mocking the handicapped, bragging about your dick at debates, grabbing pussies: all good. Then once in office, it became apparent the line would also not be drawn at what we call norms, you know, practices so universally agreed upon to be the right thing to do that we never thought we needed to codify them into law: Releasing your taxes, not putting family members in the cabinet, having press briefings, siding with Americans instead of Russians. And then we moved on to breaking actual laws: not answering subpoenas, using campaign funds for hush money to mistresses, withholding foreign aid to allies and domestic aid to states for personal reasons. So, we know what won’t make Republicans say “pineapple.” And I doubt when he makes Ivanka the Defense Secretary, or starts poisoning journalists, or literally shoots someone on Fifth Avenue, that that would do it either. But now, now that we’re at the Julius Caesar moment here, where the Republic becomes a dictatorship, with real talk about calling the military into the streets and elections that might not count because “they’re rigged.” Is that the stuff that will finally make Republicans say “I’ll do anything for love, but I won’t do that?” If you’ve got a safe word, Republicans, you better use it soon, because democracy is about to stop breathing.