Cult Messiah 'JeZus' Rants About Global Warming Flood on CNN's 'Believer'

Last week on CNN's "Believer" host Reza Aslan dined on filet of human brain. This week he had to endure the wild rantings of self-described messiah JeZus who, sounding a lot like an updated Charles Manson, claimed that global warming would cause a worldwide flood which is why his Hawaiian-based cult is building an ark. Oh, and unlike the Jesus of a couple thousand years ago, JeZus is also a polytheist who worships Pele among other gods.

The interesting thing about JeZus is that, despite his over the top theatrics, his global warming claims don't really sound much different than the standard issue global warming alarmists promoted by the mainstream media such as Bill Nye the Science Guy.

JEZUS: I am the messiah! I am the king!

REZA ASLAN: The more he preached the more manic and theatrical he became. He started working himself up into a fervor and there was little for me to do but to just stand back and watch the show.

JESUS: I died for my sins! Not a biological death...obviously!

Okay, obviously JeZus is a ranting lunatic but that last line was actually pretty funny even though not intended to be so.

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ASLAN: And then, finally, we got to the prophecy.

JEZUS: I'm a prophet. I believe in my prophecy! I had a vision, a dream about things to come.

ASLAN: What did it look like? What did you see?

JEZUS: I saw the destruction of the entire planet by an ecological apocalypse. Millions died of fire. Millions more drowned! They choked, they got smashed by sea surges that wiped out the entire coastline on the whole planet! There's one hope. I'm building an ark to escape environmental apocalypse!

ASLAN: This prophecy is a little bit hard to follow so let me just summarize it for you. Sometime in the very near future, he hasn't set a date, California is going to break off into the ocean. The tsunami that follows will flood the world at which point 124 carefully chosen followers will board JeZus' ark and sail to Machu Picchu which will have become a port city due to all the flooding. There he will establish a home base from which to repopulate the planet with the offspring of his followers ....Jezus is a lot more unhinged than I expected.

Pardon me but I didn't actually hear JeZus mention California falling into the sea but perhaps CNN has that claim on a portion of the video they didn't broadcast. What I did hear is him say "ecological apocalypse" and since ecology is the branch of biology dealing with interactions between organisms and their environment that would not include California breaking off into the ocean. However, it would definitely include the global warming dogma of which a big ocean rise due to melting ice is an important part. In fact, on the CNN page in which Reslan modestly takes credit for accidentally creating the JeZus messiah, he even mentions global warming (climate change) as part of his cult prophecy.

Nearly two decades ago, Jezus says he began receiving revelations from the gods warning him of humanity's impending doom, which would come as a result of catastrophic climate change.

As for Aslan's observation that JeZus seemed a lot more unhinged than he expected, his wild claims are really not all that different from those made by global warming alarmists hailed by the MSM such as Al Gore and Sheryl Crow. And unlike JeZus, they would quickly toss me off their private property if I ever tried to enter.

P.J. Gladnick
P.J. Gladnick
P.J. Gladnick is a freelance writer and creator of the DUmmie FUnnies blog.