By Sarah Stites | July 22, 2015 | 9:05 AM EDT

Good news, America! You no longer have to pay Garrison Keillor to sneer at you. After his 30-city “America the Beautiful” tour, the Prairie Home Companion radio host is retiring for good (and good riddance). His tour should have been called “America the Liberal.”

Keillor is a malicious parasite who spent his career soaking up federal funding through NPR while wrapping his off-the-shelf anti-American leftism in a cloying Midwestern folksiness.

So, if you’re not one of Keillor’s 4 million listeners worldwide, count yourself lucky, and enjoy these top five ridiculous quotes from the man himself.

By Tim Graham | April 23, 2013 | 11:03 PM EDT

Mike Gonzalez at the Heritage Foundation tweeted about this whopper of a claim from NPR personality Garrison Keillor, speaking on his daily podcast/broadcast “Writer’s Almanac” on Monday. He said, “According to the Earth Day Network, Earth Day is celebrated – observed in some form by a billion people every year.”

How exactly do these activists claim that wild number? Keillor seems to be exaggerating a little on the “every year” part. The Environment News Service began a report: “What started in 1970 as a teach-in about the environment has expanded year by year until Earth Day actions this year include more than one billion people in some 192 countries.”

By Tim Graham | December 12, 2011 | 12:17 PM EST

On the popular radio show A Prairie Home Companion this weekend, NPR star Garrison Keillor sang a different version of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." It had a slightly different melody, and mocked Newt Gingrich, without naming him. Keillor sang: "Don’t think a sense of style conceals your escapades / Don’t vote to impeach Bill Clinton while shacking up with Congressional aides." Gingrich was cheating on his second wife (with his eventual third wife) at that time in 1998.

Keillor also sang that Santa is watching for who is "beating up on" gays or minorities. There's nothing wrong with opposing physical violence or mean-spirited bullying -- but with NPR, you'd have to suspect Keillor is implying a broader argument about conservative arguments against gay marriage or "affirmative action." Keillor sang:

By Tim Graham | November 21, 2011 | 2:16 PM EST

Ben Smith at Politico reports that in her new book, presidential candidate Michele Bachmann goes out of her way to praise Garrison Keillor, the arrogant liberal host of A Prairie Home Companion on NPR. This is the guy that wrote for Time magazine that "The Republicans are going to be the Party That Canceled the Clean Air Act and Took Hot Lunches from Children, the Orphanage Party of Large White Men Who Feel Uneasy Around Gals."

How would Bachmann process that one? She oozed in the book: “His politics are very different from mine, but I love his gentle, knowing humor. Keillor understands Minnesota, from Lutherans to lutefisk, and his ability to squeeze laughs out of serious-minded midwesterners makes him a legend.”

By Lachlan Markay | November 22, 2010 | 12:42 PM EST

National Public Radio is right to defend itself against charges of Nazism leveled at the radio station by Fox News chief Roger Ailes, who has since apologized for the remark. But NPR decided to make the leap from defending the station to attacking Fox News as uniquely disposed to Nazi comparisons, an absurd claim on its face.

There are commentators on both sides of the political spectrum who routinely prove Godwin right. But being the predictably-liberal news outlet that it is, NPR invoked vague claims by far-left Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank (neither his ideological leanings nor the multitude of his most recent baseless Fox accusations are mentioned) to paint FNC as unique in its invocation of Nazism.

By Noel Sheppard | December 20, 2009 | 11:32 AM EST

Garrison Keillor thinks lousy holiday songs written by Jewish guys trash up America's malls every year.

So wrote the public radio host and satirist in an article at Wednesday's Baltimore Sun called "Nonbelievers, Please Leave Christmas Alone."

Given the rabid anti-Semitism in the following paragraph, one has to wonder how this piece managed to not only got published, but also escape media outrage (h/t InstaPundit via Big Hollywood):

By Tim Graham | December 14, 2009 | 11:01 PM EST

Public-radio host Garrison Keillor isn’t just convinced that NPR saves the lives of outraged right-wingers in heavy traffic. He also believes that socialists are the forces of Christmas, and for conservatives to oppose the nationalization of health care is just like opposing the message of Christmas.

By Tim Graham | December 13, 2009 | 7:35 AM EST

Public-radio broadcaster/merchandiser/multi-millionaire Garrison Keillor answered "Ten Questions" for Time magazine, none of them challenging to his liberal pomposity. Only one turned political:

By Tom Blumer | September 30, 2009 | 3:07 PM EDT
KeillorHere's more "civility" from the Left.

In a Chicago Tribune article today that appears to open as an attempt at humor but quickly devolves into nastiness, NPR-dependent radio host and author Garrison Keillor, among other things, attacks social conservatives, blames them and not those who have brought legal actions for years-long fights over keeping religious symbols right where they are, and -- while conveniently forgetting that Republican Mitt Romney gave us the Massachusetts disaster known as CommonwealthCare that current Bay State Democratic governor Deval Patrick considers the model for ObamaCare -- ponders the pros and cons of cutting Republicans "out of the health-care system entirely."

There are few if any indications in the last 2/3 of his column that Keillor was attempting anything resembling humor. If he was, he failed.

Here are some paragraphs from the screed:

By Warner Todd Huston | May 28, 2008 | 2:46 AM EDT

I guess out on Lake Blowbegone, patriotism isn't kosher? Keillor just seems, nose in the air, to find all that lowborn patriotism so woefully gauche. At least, one might get that impression by reading the attack penned by Garrison Keillor against the patriotism evinced by the folks who don their red, white and blue, along with their leather jackets and hop on their Hogs to join the long line of motorcycle riders at "Rolling Thunder" on Memorial Day in Washington D.C. This year, Keillor was so put off by the patriotic bikers that he was driven to his keyboard to regale us all with his bad metaphors and surly disposition.

With "The roar of hollow patriotism," Keillor found that he just couldn't stomach the loud patriotism expressed by the Harley riders in D.C. He also seemed to say that if you are a "fat man with a ponytail" you shouldn't be allowed to express that patriotism in a manner you so wish to express it.

By Tim Graham | November 9, 2007 | 11:26 AM EST

NPR personage Garrison Keillor loans his public-radio voice – hailed by liberals at Slate as "a breathy baritone that seems precision-engineered to narrate a documentary about glaciers" – to a feature called "The Writer’s Almanac," which usually features a poem and and some literary and historical notes of the day.

By Tim Graham | October 27, 2007 | 6:17 PM EDT

Major National Public Radio moneybags Garrison Keillor is up to his usual rhetorical tricks over at Salon, putting on the sardonic tone like a pair of his red sneakers about George Bush's waste, fraud, and abuse in Iraq: