The only thing remotely interesting about San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's bizarre decision to upload his incredibly dull 7.5 hour "state of the city" speech to YouTube is the knowledge that it is sure to inspire parodies. So how dull is Newsom's speech? Well I challenge you to listen to just a couple of minutes of it without hearing the beckoning call of Mr. Sandman enticing you to enter a deep slumber. Here is the take on this YouTube speech by Michelle Malkin:
Hey, remember that judge who sentenced noise violators to Barry Manilow music? Here’s a worse sentence: Sitting through 7.5 hours of San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom droning on and on and on about the “state of the city.” There are YouTube segments on health care, education, and the environment. But nada on the city’s infamously deadly illegal alien sanctuary policies.
He’s uploaded his entire speech on YouTube. Even his fellow libs can’t take it:
Malkin is referring to the liberal San Francisco Chronicle. Even they are mocking Gavin's massive ego that makes him think that people will be watching him on YouTube without dozing off:
When San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom posted an epic State of the City speech on YouTube on Monday, reaction was mixed.
"Just what I wanted," said Aaron Peskin, outgoing president of the Board of Supervisors. "Somebody imitating Al Gore for 7 1/2 hours. The guy did a Fidel Castro."
But Newsom's staff is taking the long view.
"By next year, or two years from now, everybody will be doing this," said Eric Jaye, Newsom's political strategist.
Boring the hell out of everybody and setting themselves up for mockery?
The mayor's brain trust thinks it is on to something, but there is disagreement about what it is. Some think it's a plot to co-opt the mainstream media. Others suspect it's a digital gateway for Newsom's run for governor. And some hope it will touch voters in an innovative way.
It will touch voters in an innovative way by causing instant sleep sans medication.
"I believe in this," said mayoral spokesman Nathan Ballard. "I'm optimistic that we will reach more constituents than ever before."
Right. Because people, particularly young voters, watch YouTube. But those people are watching funny cat stunts and people flying off trampolines, not a video of a talking head reciting eye-glazing statistics.
And don't forget the video of Snowball, the dancing cockatoo. One of the faves of your humble correspondent.
Supervisor Sean Elsbernd applauds the mayor for "a fantastic use of new technology." But he also admitted he hasn't watched more than 2 1/2 minutes and isn't likely to view much more.
"Realistically, are the supervisors going to sit for 7 1/2 hours and watch this?" Elsbernd said. "No."
It isn't as if the mayor's office didn't anticipate the reaction when people heard the speech ran longer than a flight to Honolulu.
"As one of a handful of people who sat through the entire taping, I agree," said Ballard. "That's a pretty long time."
The production value of the videos also leaves a lot to be desired. For example, as Peskin says, even if "you press your face 2 inches from the screen," you cannot read the color slides and charts that appear behind Newsom.
Since Newsom's deadly dull speeches were uploaded to YouTube just a couple of days ago, a storm of parodies can soon be expected. It's almost inevitable. But how to parody something which inspires ennui to such an extent as to make it impossible to watch for more than a couple of minutes? Well, your humble correspondent has a few suggestions.
One idea would be to show a couple in a romantic setting at a table in an intimate restaurant. The waiter arrives to take their order but launches into a word for word recital of Gavin Newsom's forgettable speech. The couple want to be alone but the waiter just keeps droning on with Newsom's speech.
You could also take the American Idol approach. Intercut segments of Newsom's speech with the judges looking bored out of their minds.
"Dueling Boors" would go back and forth between cuts of Newsom's speech and the infamous outdoor harangues of Fidel Castro.
A reality show approach could be taken by offering 50 bucks to anybody who can sit through all of Newsom's YouTube speeches. Then record the looks on the faces of those who accept the challenge as they struggle valiantly to pay attention.
Oh, and taking a tip from Michelle Malkin, you could also use Barry Manilow music as the backdrop for Mayor Newsom's speech.
These are just a few of the parody ideas but perhaps you could think up some of your own. Remember, NewsBusters does have regular Anti-SNL Open Threads. We will be looking forward to your Gavin Newsom speech parody videos...if you can stay awake long enough to produce them.