The only thing that will ever convince Comedy Central to stop perpetuating its disgusting celebrity roasts are poor ratings. Taste, decency, talent -- none of these has bearing on this network's decisions. Nor do they care about the damage they're inflicting on youngsters. They care only about the numbers. So the good news is that their August 12 roast of Roseanne Barr flopped, bringing in only 2.6 million viewers. That’s almost a million less than their roast of the day before yesterday's news, David Hasselhoff. It came in far below the 6.5 million they drew last fall for their wish-you-were-dead roast of Charlie Sheen, but that was just capturing Sheen’s lightning of insanity in a bottle.

Roseanne Barr was, is and forever will be a pig. The roast did her justice. Let's review the "highlights":