It looks just like the type of story that would appear in The Onion but the funniest thing about this Reuters story about the effects of cow "burps" on global warming is that it was covered with a completely straight face. According to this story, methane released by cow "burps," not humans, might be the culprit in causing the rise in greenhouse gases. A scientific study on this phenomenom is being undertaken via cow "burp" collection:
Argentine scientists are taking a novel approach to studying global warming -- strapping plastic tanks to the backs of cows to collect their burps.
Researchers say the slow digestive system of cows makes them a producer of methane, a potent greenhouse gas that gets far less public attention than carbon dioxide in efforts to fight global warming.
Scientists around the world are studying the amount of methane in cow burps and Argentine researchers say they have come up with a unique way.
Attaching a red plastic tank to a cow's back and connecting it through a tube to the animal's stomach, scientists say they can trap bovine burps and analyze them.
"When we got the first results, we were surprised. Thirty percent of Argentina's (total greenhouse) emissions could be generated by cows," said Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology.
Uh-oh! Don't those cows know they are in violation of EPA standards? Perhaps special filters need to be attached to the posteriors of all cows to prevent their "burps" from adding to the greenhouse effect in the atmosphere. The story continues on the dire threat of cow "burps" to the environment in all seriousness:
Berra said the researchers "never thought" a cow weighing 550 kg (1,210 lb) could produce 800 to 1,000 liters (28 to 35 cubic feet) of emissions each day.
At least 10 cows are being studied, Berra said, including some in a corral whose burps are collected in yellow balloons hanging from the roof.
Greenhouse gases are widely blamed for causing global warming. Methane, researchers say, is 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide in trapping heat in the atmosphere and can be found in animal waste, landfills, coal mines and leaking natural gas pipes.
Quick! Someone notify Al Gore about the inconvenient truth that "burping" cows, not humans, are the real culprits in global warming. Fortunately, the article shows a way that our planet could be saved from cow "burp" pollution:
Scientists are working to develop new diets for cows that could make it easier for them to digest food, moving them away from grains to plants like alfalfa and clover.
The Reuters straight face on the subject of the polluting effect of cow "burps" is also maintained in their video on this topic. The only humorous hint offered by the Reuters reporter is her mention that this cow "burp" problem is a "stinky situation."
Although Reuters was careful not to be too blunt in their descriptions, the U.K. Telegraph did not shy away from being a bit less delicate in their headline for the same story: "Cow farts collected in plastic tank for global warming study."
—P.J. Gladnick is a freelance writer and creator of the DUmmie FUnnies blog.
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Who cut the cheese?
July 10, 2008 - 05:26 ET by RackieI gotta get me one of them researcher jobs.
→ Burping Cow
July 10, 2008 - 06:35 ET by Cool ArrowThat picture would be a good ad for solar powered Gateway Computers.
LYDSEXICS UNTIE
When I saw the picture...
July 10, 2008 - 06:42 ET by heldmyw... I was certain that I was seeing a jihadicow. A methane fuel/air strapped bomber bovine on his (her) way to a veal-filled paradise. Allamoo Snackbar!
Then? My mind raced with possibilities! A cow that could generate it's own torchlight! A little plumbing, a nice decorative fixture between the ears... Bingo!
24-hour feeding, increasing growth and production, easy-to-find, heck, you could rent them out as nightlights for scared kiddies!
Why not include them as standard features with new, green, cars? Generating fuel, fertilizer, milk and little cows all for the price of a couple of bales of hay a week? Granted, we might have to go back to SUV's if you're going to carry a pair of bovines with you for vacations or long trips, but, hey! Free gas, baby!
It's a whole, new world!
→ Stop it heldmyw
July 10, 2008 - 06:55 ET by Cool ArrowMy sides are hurting.
Alamoo Snackbar?
Hi, Billy Mays here, introducing the Mrs. O'Leary Night Light.
LYDSEXICS UNTIE
Renamed - O'Leary Night Light
July 10, 2008 - 07:53 ET by Cool ArrowBilly Mays just called and wants to rename it.
→ A cow that runs on grass
July 10, 2008 - 06:56 ET by Cool ArrowBrilliant!
LYDSEXICS UNTIE
LOL. . .
July 10, 2008 - 23:58 ET by TheTruthLOL. . . Excellent :-)
Where's PETA? I'm
July 10, 2008 - 07:03 ET by danboWhere's PETA?
I'm waiting for their complaints about the unethical treatment of that poor cow.
"There is a clear attempt to establish truth not by scientific methods but by perpetual repetition."
- Richard S. Lindzen, Ph.D. Professor of Meteorology, MIT
I don't know if it's a strict PETA bylaw...
July 10, 2008 - 07:20 ET by heldmyw... but I think they're against eating animals, exploitation, etc.
If all you're doing is sticking something up their backsides, that's probably acceptable PETA behavior!
→ PETA behavior?
July 10, 2008 - 07:34 ET by Cool ArrowOr were you referring to PITA (pain in the a$$) behavior?
In that case "sticking something up the backsides" applies.
LYDSEXICS UNTIE
It's too easy to go into
July 10, 2008 - 07:45 ET by danboIt's too easy to go into areas where we'd get X rated. And accused of being political incorrect and insensitive. I'll be nice.
Let's just say, PETA may not have a problem with sticking something there.
"There is a clear attempt to establish truth not by scientific methods but by perpetual repetition."
- Richard S. Lindzen, Ph.D. Professor of Meteorology, MIT
I've seen them protest pet
July 10, 2008 - 07:37 ET by danboI've seen them protest pet shows where folks dress their pets in cutsey outfits. Dressing a toy poodle in sunglasses and an Elvis outfit for a few hours is far less than forcing that poor cow to wear that pink salami 24/7. The poor cow is probably humiliated(not to mention uncomfortable) from the other cows laughing at her. Think of the emotional trauma.
"There is a clear attempt to establish truth not by scientific methods but by perpetual repetition."
- Richard S. Lindzen, Ph.D. Professor of Meteorology, MIT
The bigger picture isn't about capturing gas...
July 10, 2008 - 07:58 ET by AmericanEnergist...it's the fact that Reuters ran this story. Let's face it - Reuters news template historically is to demonize oil. PETA takes this story and runs with it, using Reuters as useful idiots, to say that if they successfully have meat outlawed, we would not have to attach methane collection canisters to those poor animals.
I think I'll have a steak for dinner tonight!
Mike
www.ArmchairEnergist.com
→ Energist
July 10, 2008 - 08:02 ET by Cool ArrowI had beans. My bag is full.
LYDSEXICS UNTIE
Don't look now Cool, but
July 10, 2008 - 13:39 ET by RESTLESS 1Don't look now Cool, but what exactly does that Argentine scientist behind you think he is doing?
"This
liberal would be all about socialize -- uh, uh, would be about
basically taking over and the government running all of your companies."-Maxine Waters 2008
→ MOOOOOO
July 10, 2008 - 13:45 ET by Cool ArrowHe said he was from the government and he's hee to help me.
Feels normal in that respect.
LYDSEXICS UNTIE
do these tanks come in
July 10, 2008 - 08:07 ET by cocodriedo these tanks come in smaller sizes? Oh thats right, Chrissie's head is big enough. Good idea if it makes the beef more tender-"People for Eating Tasty Animals"
Cocodrie
July 10, 2008 - 08:32 ET by danboAre you from Cocodrie?
"There is a clear attempt to establish truth not by scientific methods but by perpetual repetition."
- Richard S. Lindzen, Ph.D. Professor of Meteorology, MIT
Almost. I am from Bayou
July 10, 2008 - 08:35 ET by cocodrieAlmost. I am from Bayou Goula. Wish I still lived there.
Just curious. I'm
July 10, 2008 - 08:47 ET by danboJust curious. I'm originally from Bayou Lafourche. (Now near Bay St Louis) Nice area.
Laissez le bon temps.
"There is a clear attempt to establish truth not by scientific methods but by perpetual repetition."
- Richard S. Lindzen, Ph.D. Professor of Meteorology, MIT
Speaking of controlling bovine belches
July 10, 2008 - 08:34 ET by IgnatzJFahrquarShouldn't "The View" be removed for the sake of the environment?
Well, the perky little E. H. can stay and they can rename it "Her View".
"All generalizations are false, including this one.” Mark Twain
"view" belches have
July 10, 2008 - 08:40 ET by cocodrie"view" belches have decreased since Rosie-o left, but they still need them.
AGW & High Oil prices problems solved!
July 10, 2008 - 10:08 ET by SouthJersey1953This is the solution to two problems: AGW and Energy! Strap these devices on all cows and you eliminate global warming and collect enough methane gas to domestically supply our energy needs!
Wait a minute ...
July 10, 2008 - 10:13 ET by mytwocentsI dunno. I'm thinking we could seriously have a lot of expoding cows on our hands... and feet... well just all over.
Define cow...
July 10, 2008 - 17:25 ET by ontheright...most would say Bovine - I on the otherhand would say Rosie O'donnel, or even Joy Beher for that matter...the list could potentially be endless; liberal cows...I like that.
So be specific. ;-)
Notice how they made sure
July 10, 2008 - 10:19 ET by zfNotice how they made sure to stick "widely blamed" in there when talking about AGW.
So now cows are the problem? They've been around as long as we have, have they suddenly been belching more in the past few centuries? How irresponsible of them!
So when they Indians and the white man were killing the buffaloe, they weren't driving a species to extinction, they were fighting global warming!
What is that thing/
July 10, 2008 - 10:27 ET by mytwocentsHey, is that a new SUB (Sport Utility Bovine)?
Just think, a cow in every
July 10, 2008 - 12:25 ET by bradbenj5952Just think, a cow in every backyard to produce methane for heating in the winter and steak to barbeque in the summer! Global warming, energy crises, and food shortages, all solved in one fell swoop.
"Of all tyrannies a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive." - C.S. Lewis
ROFLMAO!!
July 10, 2008 - 13:24 ET by fonzie2178They don't even know the difference between a burp and a fart!
I can hardly see through the tears to type anything else!
"Green, the new Red."
What's even worse...
July 10, 2008 - 17:30 ET by ontheright...there is a very distinct visual difference between the front and the back of the bovine yet these Einsteins can't even get that right.
OTR - I am not picking on
July 10, 2008 - 21:19 ET by HermanoOTR - I am not picking on you. Butt technically these are burps because they are sampling from the stomach - they are merely passing the tube through the intestines in order to get to the stomach.
I wish the loons on the left would finally get it right and regulate the most powerful greenhouse gas - water. The humidity here is getting pretty bad.
Let's just hope when they
July 10, 2008 - 13:33 ET by Ruths husband BenLet's just hope when they get around to testing humans for, um, shall we say gas production from "burping", they use liberals. The only negatives would be that it might be hard to get a seal around the hose and mistaking the tank of noxious vapors on their shoulders for their head.
“it is not the role of this Court to pronounce the Second Amendment extinct.” - Justice Antonin Scalia
"Let's just hope when they
July 10, 2008 - 13:49 ET by TheTruth"Let's just hope when they get around to testing humans for, um, shall we say gas production from "burping", they use liberals."
Can I borrow your lighter?
"Attaching a red plastic
July 10, 2008 - 13:36 ET by RESTLESS 1"Attaching a red plastic tank to a cow's back and connecting it through a tube to the animal's stomach, scientists say they can trap bovine burps and analyze them."
Okay, can someone please tell me where I apply for THAT job?
"This
liberal would be all about socialize -- uh, uh, would be about
basically taking over and the government running all of your companies."-Maxine Waters 2008
This whole article stinks.
July 10, 2008 - 13:40 ET by RESTLESS 1This whole article stinks. :(
"This
liberal would be all about socialize -- uh, uh, would be about
basically taking over and the government running all of your companies."-Maxine Waters 2008
Urban Density
July 10, 2008 - 15:08 ET by BrauThere's six billion people on this planet, most driving cars. They are also careening through the skies in airplanes, heating their homes 24 hours a day, physically raping the earth and consuming products madly, yet there are folks out there who seek to ignore their own consumption and point at cows to assert that the cumulative effect of their farts or burps (methane) is a major contributing factor to global warming. They go even further to assert eating chicken instead would be an act of saving our planet. This clear evidence of:
Urban Density!
Er...
July 10, 2008 - 17:32 ET by ontheright...I would call it Urban Duncity...
This world has gone beyond
July 10, 2008 - 15:37 ET by bigtimerThis world has gone beyond insanity...
I have a better idea...let's corral all the greenie nutcases starting with algore, put balloons, bells, whatever contraption we need to on them, see what all they expell into the air.....they are going to be the real destruction of this country if we let them.
"America isn't the problem...America is the solution." ~ Rush Limbaugh
"This world has gone beyond
July 10, 2008 - 16:22 ET by mattm"This world has gone beyond insanity..."
What bugs me is that seemingly very few of us recognize that fact. I mean, how much more idiotic does the Left have to get before they lose all credibility?
Too late...
July 10, 2008 - 17:35 ET by ontheright...they arrived at zero credibility a long, long time ago.
Hoax...
July 10, 2008 - 16:35 ET by Clear thinkerThis cannot be true. When enough gas get's into these red/pink bags everyone knows that the cows would float away and be forever lost to science. If you think Pigeon pooh is bad, just wait until one of these guys let's loose.
I say it's a hoax!
45 Communist Goals for America http://www.nationmakers.com/com_goals.htm
Report for your fitting
July 10, 2008 - 17:59 ET by SickofLibsJoy Blohar, you're next.
I know one damn thing, I am
July 10, 2008 - 19:02 ET by RESTLESS 1I know one damn thing, I am not going to be the one opening those bags.
"This
liberal would be all about socialize -- uh, uh, would be about
basically taking over and the government running all of your companies."-Maxine Waters 2008
Get a bigger cow bag, float'em to the slaughter homes, no trucks
July 10, 2008 - 19:55 ET by upcountrywaterI thought the cow was photoshoped NB style... Allamoo Snackbar! LMAO
How much does one charge for a custom cow fart bag?
kelty, north face?
Geezz if the cow rolls over, and that sucker pops...ewwww
Liberals62%
IranianUranium
methane causing global warming
July 10, 2008 - 20:19 ET by biscuitIf methane is a serious cause of global warming (as my reading shows is true), maybe some of the more serious producers of methane should also be looked at.
#1 is the vast rice fields of China
#2 is the rain forest of S. America
We probably shouldn't cut off the staple food supply of a population the size of China, but it makes you wonder if America is the culprit MSM makes it out to be.
I'm not advocating chopping down the rain forest either.