The Washington Post doesn't really hire humorists to be funny. They seem to hire liberals that think they're funny, but really want to be liberals first. The Internet chat on Tuesday with "ComPost" blogger and humorist Alexandra Petri was a Santorum-bashing festival. If you want to see how liberals ooze their intellectual superiority at each other, this is a destination. One joked that Santorum should repeal female suffrage. Petri joked back: "at the rate he and his ideas are polling among the Petticoat Despots, a 19th-amendment repeal would be a pretty savvy move on Santorum's part."
They also joked that Santorum and should really move to banning masturbation next. Petri joked back: "I think Orwell's whole 1984 world had constant sexual frustration as one of its undergirding principles."
It's amazing how these Champions of Nuance break out their ridiculous caricatures whenever conservatives come up:
SANTORUM’S SLIDE BACK TO THE 19TH CENTURY
Q. In his efforts to restore the US to the 19th century, how long do you predict before Rick Santorum calls for repeal of the 19th Amendment,
on a variety of grounds including women's "emotional" natures? (After all, it used to be thought that women's men-folk voted for them).
Given Barack Obama's improved polling with single women, this could be just the boost that Santorum needs in order to win!
Alexandra Petri :
I was about to say, at the rate he and his ideas are polling among the Petticoat Despots, a 19th-amendment repeal would be a pretty savvy move on Santorum's part.
He could always suggest that it wasn't women's emotional natures that he was worried about -- after all, after the front-lines comment, he
noted that he was talking about the effect of women's presence on front-line men. Rather, the mere presence of women in voting booths,
with their visible ankles and tendency to emit pheromones, so overcomes their male counterparts that they become incoherent,
resulting in pregnant chads, hanging chads, and dozens of votes for Vermin Supreme.
...
SANTORUM: A NON-SPANKING HOUSEHOLD?
Q. Why has Santorum failed to address the very real problem in this country which impacts us all- That being the masturbation issue? Just
because it doesn't roll off the tongue in the same way that Abortion, Contraception and Sterilization do, it doesn't mean that we should fail our children and our children's children by just kicking the can further down the road. Do we want to become a nation of blind, hairy-palmed, Obama-liberal, radical Muslims? Where are the true social conservatives these days? Perhaps a greater emphasis on the ssues that matter might be achieved if another, more zealous candidate were to emerge in 2012.
Alexandra Petri :
Talk about destroying life! The carnage is incredible.
Then again, I think Orwell's whole 1984 world had constant sexual frustration as one of its undergirding principles, so I worry about what would happen if we shut this road down altogether. Maybe Santorum et al (this Al is always butting into things) should have thought about that before they started this one...
But hey, this is as good a time as any to make that old Dorothy Parker joke.
Why did she call her canary Onan?
...
I WORRY ABOUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE SHUT DOWN THIS ROAD ALTOGETHER
Q: They can make masturbation illegal but then we'll have more back-alley masturbations. And I'll say I'll stop masturbating when they pry it from my cold, dead hand.
Alexandra Petri :
I think back-alley masturbations are already illegal in many states...
And finally:
ELECTABILITY
Q. Seriously, if Santo in the man for the Republicans in the general, are they saying they don't need the women's vote to win?
Alexandra Petri :
I mean, Abraham Lincoln didn't, and this is the party of Lincoln!
Er.
PS: It should be noted that Petri strayed a bit from the liberal reservation on the notion of federal control of schools. Her skepticism on that subject drew out some angry "but my neighbors are morons who need federal help" snobbery.
