It's week 16, and Joe's got it covered below the fold.
Pigskins and Politics: Week 16
For many of you, the weather outside is frightful, thereby making football watching today SO delightful.
Wife/girlfriend/significant other: "What are you doing on that couch with two TVs set up in the living room? Have you finished your Christmas shopping yet??"
You: "No dear...I would go to the store and get you the type of gift that you could flaunt in front of your friends in that weird game of one-upsmanship that girls are constantly playing with each other, but the snow is making driving conditions quite hazardous."
Wife/girlfriend/significant other: "Oh. OK. Better safe than sorry..."
You (mumbling while elbow hurting from patting yourself on the back): "Good job, baby."
So while there's still power in my palace of a one-bedroom apartment in Hoboken, New Jersey, let's get to our only-games-that-matter not-for-profit-picks for Week 16:
Seahawks (+3.5) over Jets: Brett Favre looks as finished as Blago these days, except with better hair (or lack thereof). Will someone please tell the Illinois Governor that the Bobby-Ewing-hair-is-in-look expired around the time Al Haig was relevant?
Giants (-3) over Panthers: NFC South is 26-2 at home. This one is on the road for Carolina. And having gone outside to get a morning coffee to shake off the horrific hangover I inflicted on myself last night at my annual Green and Red Festivus Fete (send an email to email@example.com for access to some delightful pictures) I can tell you that the conditions here near Giants Stadium are not friendly to any team with the word "South" in their division. Wind chill at game time for this all-the-marbles-tilt? 17 degrees. You stay warm, Jake Delhomme.
Steelers (-2.5) over Titans: Tennessee is like Rahm Emmanuel. You wish you had him three months ago, but now the world would be better off never having being introduced to them/him. And for those of you who think that Obama's Chief of Staff is going to survive a sack-machine like Ftizgerald, I have some beach property in Vegas I've like to show you.
Dolphins (-3.5) over Chiefs: By the way, did you know that Rahm's middle name is Israel? This fact goes back to an earlier P&P column I wrote this year: "Never trust a guy named Dino, and NEVER EVER trust a guy named after a country, even if it's a middle name."
Pats (-8) over Arizona: If it's cold here in Jersey, you can only imagine what it feels like in Foxboro. Cards locked up for #4 seed sometime before the election, and based on no-show performance last week don't seem to care much about momentum. By the way, if Belichick doesn't win Coach of the Year, there is no point to handing out such a reward.
Redskins (+5) over Eagles: A Quinnipiac poll shows the most unlikeable guy in the history of broadcast television, Chris Matthews, trailing Arlen Specter by 12 percentage points. Some may accuse me of cherry-picking polls, but I'm simply choosing information the same way MSNBC's bleach blond does every night for his farce of a television program. Oh, and the over/under on days where Matthews wearing a Westbrook jersey on the air to solicit votes is 3.
Vikings (-3) over Falcons: Minny wins this week's award for "The team you absotively, posilutely most don't want face in the playoffs in January."
Broncos (-6.5) over Bills: Denver wins this week's award for "The team you absotively, posilutely most WANT face in the playoffs in January."
Chargers (+3.5) over Bucs: Bucs win this week's award for "The team NBC absotively, posilutely doesn't want anywhere near its Super Bowl broadcast in February." Nothing worse than a boring team with home-field advantage for the big game...
Bears (-4) over Packers: Speaking of wanting something or someone nowhere near your broadcast, word on the street (and in Jossip) says that "Football Night in America" highlight guy Keith Olbermann began fooling around with now-live-in-girlfriend Katy Tur when she was just 17. I would continue writing this column, but I need to throw myself out of a moving car just to get this visual out of my mind.
Joe Concha is a weekly contributor to NewsBusters. Email questions or comments to firstname.lastname@example.org.