Maher Demonizes Ryan & Satan-Dog 'Child' Cruz, Sucks Up to Al Gore

On Friday's Real Time with Bill Maher on HBO, Senator Ted Cruz and House Speaker Paul Ryan were the two Republican figures who were most on the receiving end of host Maher's vitriol as he derided Cruz as the "child of Satan and a dog," and asserted that both men have a "punchable face."

By contrast, when former Vice President Al Gore appeared as a guest to promote his environmental agenda, the far-left comedian sucked up to him by apologizing for voting for Ralph Nader in 2000, and by complaining that Gore did not take credit for the Internet in the 2000 campaign.

In the opening monologue, Maher vilified Cruz as he segued from Senator Lindsey Graham endorsing former Governor Jeb Bush, to the battle between businessman Donald Trump and Senator Cruz. Maher:

In the middle of this -- I love this -- Lindsey Graham -- you know, John McCain's boyfriend -- came out and endorsed Jeb Bush. I love the way the potty-trained Republicans still think that they're in charge of the funny farm. It's Trump's party now, guys. Get the memo. It's Donald Trump's party, and it's probably going to be his country soon. And boy did he stay on message last night. Donald Trump said swarthy foreigners are sneaking into America, but enough about Ted Cruz.

Well, you know, it's a good point. As you know, Ted Cruz not born in this country. He was born in Hades, the child of Satan and a dog.

A few minutes later, he brought on Gore as a guest, and, after the former Vice President thanked the liberal host for promoting his brand of liberal environmentalism, Maher reciprocated, starting with an apology:

All right, as long as we're getting things off our chests, in 2000 I was for Ralph Nader, and I was wrong. And I told you that in San Diego. I was wrong. I was young and impetuous. And I f****d up and I own it.

The liberal comedian then gushed:

You know, you were ahead on so many things, not just climate change, which is the issue of our time, and you are the leading voice. But you were right about Social Security and the lock box. They wish they could use that phrase now. And you also were the person who did bring us the Internet. And one reason why -- but it's true.

Maher then added:

And I'll tell you something, not to go back, but one reason I was so mad at you in 2000 was because you didn't own that. When the Republicans made that a laugh line, you kind of like laughed along with them, which I thought was the wrong tack. And you were the one who did enable that. That wasn't around in 1979.

At 10:22 p.m., during the main panel segment, Maher turned his attention to lambasting Speaker Ryan for his refusal to react positively to President Barack Obama's State of the Union speech while seated behind the President. Maher took a shot at both Cruz and Ryan as he began: "I always thought Ted Cruz had the most punchable face in the government -- wait a second -- until I saw the State of the Union and Paul Ryan sat there behind Obama pouting like a b****."

After showing clips of President Obama's speech with Speaker Ryan's reaction, Maher added: "But wait a second. When the President of the United States says we're the most powerful nation on Earth, [Ryan is] like, well, I can't applaud for America as along as President Blackenstein's cooties are all over it.

Right-leaning panel member Ralph Reed pointed out that one of the soundbites Maher displayed had omitted the portion showing that President Obama was using the line to attack Republicans. Reed: "Bill, all you did was show the one line. ... But, Bill, that one line was part of a sustained attack on Republicans when he was criticizing them for criticizing his policies."

Maher aimed additional obscene language at Speaker Ryan as he responded: "He didn't applaud for cancer curing. And we got a hold -- I'm not going to show it -- Nancy Pelosi at the last Bush speech applauded for him 33 times because she's not a d***. He's just being a d***."

Below is a transcript of the relevant portion of the Friday, January 15, Real Time with Bill Maher on HBO:

10:05 p.m. ET
BILL MAHER: In the middle of this -- I love this -- Lindsey Graham -- you know, John McCain's boyfriend -- came out and endorsed Jeb Bush. I love the way the potty-trained Republicans still think that they're in charge of the funny farm. It's Trump's party now, guys. Get the memo. It's Donald Trump's party, and it's probably going to be his country soon.

And boy did he stay on message last night. Donald Trump said swarthy foreigners are sneaking into America, but enough about Ted Cruz.Well, you know, it's a good point. As you know, Ted Cruz not born in this country. He was born in Hades, the child of Satan and a dog.

(...)

10:09 p.m.

MAHER: All right, as long as we're getting things off our chests, in 2000 I was for Ralph Nader, and I was wrong. And I told you that in San Diego. I was wrong. I was young and impetuous. And I f****d up and I own it.

(...)

10:11 p.m.

MAHER: You know, you were ahead on so many things, not just climate change, which is the issue of our time, and you are the leading voice. But you were right about Social Security and the lock box. They wish they could use that phrase now. And you also were the person who did bring us the Internet. And one reason why -- but it's true. And I'll tell you something, not to go back, but one reason I was so mad at you in 2000 was because you didn't own that. When the Republicans made that a laugh line, you kind of like laughed along with them, which I thought was the wrong tack. And you were the one who did enable that. That wasn't around in 1979.

AL GORE: Well, on the legislative side, that's true. The scientists came up with all the ideas and engineering, of course, but some people stuck up for me. Newt Gingrich, of all people, came to my defense on that. Really and truly, I appreciated that.

10:22 p.m.

MAHER: I always thought Ted Cruz had the most punchable face in the government -- wait a second -- until I saw the State of the Union and Paul Ryan sat there behind Obama pouting like a b****.

NICOLLE WALLACE: No, he was listening. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

MAHER: Show this, show him, show this, show him.PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: The United States of America, right now, has the strongest, most durable economy in the world.

MAHER: Whatever.

WALLACE: He's thinking.OBAMA: The United States of America is the most powerful nation on Earth, period.

MAHER: Really? You can't applaud for that?

WALLACE: Come on, if you're mad at him, you've got no one. He's the best thinker in our party. He is, right now-

MAHER: But wait a second. When the President of the United States says we're the most powerful nation on Earth, he's like, well, I can't applaud for America as along as President Blackenstein's cooties are all over it.

WALLACE: That is not true. Before that speech, Joe Biden spent 30 minutes talking to Paul Ryan before that speech. So Paul Ryan has more bipartisan relationships and more Democrats who have got his backing than Ted Cruz has Republicans.

RALPH REED: Bill, all you did was show the one line. ... But, Bill, that one line was part of a sustained attack on Republicans when he was criticizing them for criticizing his policies.

MAHER: He didn't applaud for cancer curing. And we got a hold -- I'm not going to show it -- Nancy Pelosi at the last Bush speech applauded for him 33 times because she's not a d***. He's just being a d***.

Brad Wilmouth
Brad Wilmouth is a contributing blogger to NewsBusters