Former 'Red Eye' Co-host Bill Schulz: Tea Party Akin to Scientology Cult

March 30th, 2015 4:34 PM

Former Fox News Channel Red Eye co-host Bill Schulz has a piece today at The Daily Beast where he jokingly (?) compares the Tea Party political movement to the Scientology cult: 

My two takeaways from Going Clear—HBO’s searing look at scientology dropouts (“searing” means “lots of blurry reenactments,” yes?)—were thus:

A) Tom Cruise’s ramrod posture should make chiropractors weep with admiration.

And B) L. Ron Hubbard hated paying taxes almost as much as he loathed gays.

[...]

L. Ron’s oft-repeated (by detractors) and disputed (by E-Meters) line of, “If you want to make a little money, write a book. If you want to make a lot of money, create a religion” is a behind-the-curtain explanation of why he turned his self-help ripoff of Aberactive Therapy into something 10 times more profitable once he stopped giving a percentage of prescribers’ payments to Uncle Sam. (Looking at you, federally-exempt title of “religion”!)

Sadly for Chub Hub, that dream would only be realized 10 years after his “death.”

While LRH was still carrying around his earthly, ascot-accessorized human form, he developed the Sea Org. This Dianetics-fueled special force encompassed three of LRH’s favorite things: ***true-believers earning “slave labor wages,” juvenile, naval uniforms that harkened back to the WWII career LRH always lied about, and—thanks to the watery wall of international waters—a get-out-of-jail-free card with the tax man.

Conversely, today’s Tea Partiers prefer military-themed garb of an earlier vintage and choose to avoid funding the Republic via the more legal route of, well, moving to Texas.

[...]

[W]hile Ted Cruz wants to build a wall to keep illegal Mexicans out, Scientology’s tiny emperor, David Miscavige, supposedly runs an on-campus gulag to keep poorly behaved adherents in.

In conclusion: This column has assured the fact that I will never work at The Blaze or in Hollywood. Thanks, Daily Beast!